


Parent Trap

by seaofolives



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Dating, Developing Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25859440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaofolives/pseuds/seaofolives
Summary: “Why—well met, well met!” The uncle shook his hand, grasping it in both of his before he turned to his other relatives and shared in their…uncertain laughter. That made Gladio hold Ignis closer and smile wider. “Um…forgive me, it must be my age but did I hear you right when you said…boy…friend?”“Yes,” Gladio confirmed easily. He looked down to Ignis and smiled at him. “We met each other in service of the prince. And…before we know it, weʼve been dating for two years.”Ignis smiled back, looking perfectly bewitched by those non-existent two years.(written as a one-shot, split into chapters for ease of reading)
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	1. The Set-up

**Author's Note:**

> me: I WANT TO WRITE SMTH SHORT AND STUPID!!!!!!!
> 
> also me:

It wasnʼt even like he had much hope of getting out of this one in the first place. But when he went back to his friends to deliver the news, Gladio didnʼt hide the sting of his defeat. 

He pushed the door shut, pulled his lips to a tight line and raised his hands up, phone and all, with his shrug. “Nope,” he reported, arms falling back down to his sides as he shuffled to the threesome around Noctisʼ expensive dining table. To sympathize, each one of them shared their own condolences in their own ways. “Told you Dad wouldnʼt take any excuses.”

Prompto hissed, leaning back to his seat with his arms crossed. “Gramma Amicitia must be a real terror, huh? Could be your dad takes after her.”

“You kidding?” Gladio snorted, returning to his place across him and beside Ignis who handed him a full bowl of the hot pot stuff, with all his favorite potstickers floating in the clear broth. He lifted it to him for a quick thanks and then to his lips for a careful sip. “Among her kids, heʼs the prodigal son who fell from grace. Practically traded her favor for the honor of being the Kingʼs Shield. After that, they just never saw eye to eye and…” He shrugged. “Almost never saw each other at all.”

“Until now, it would seem,” Ignis connected, refilling his own bowl from the boiling pot of stew where it sat on the electric stove in the middle. “The birthday of a clan matriarch is always a great opportunity for family to mingle and catch up with each other. Hoping to find that one person who can give you a leg up by clinging to their arms or stepping on them…”

“Sounds about right,” Noctis cackled suddenly, getting up to poke at the broth. 

“Hmmm, so like,” Prompto spoke ponderously, catching a tofu ball with his fork, “networking but with family drama on the side.”

“Yeah, ‘swhy I hate these things,” Gladio sighed. “Everyone looks nice on the outside but thatʼs it. Itʼs fine to mingle and catch up, and Iʼve always been a genuine kinda guy. But I donʼt see the point of going out of your way to look and smell extra nice for people who wonʼt see you for what you are, but just where you came from and what you can give ‘em. And then after that, everyone goes home and forgets you exist until the next time your grandmother puts out another required attendance. Or when they call you and ask for a favor like itʼs your only worth.”

“Sounds like a hassle, all right,” Prompto sympathized despite his full mouth while Ignis patted Gladio heavily on his back. 

“Thatʼs old money for you,” Noctis supplied. He pointed at a small takeout tray of slivers of red meat, still wrapped in cling plastic and tagged with the price from the grocery. “Now imagine what it feels like in a royal gathering.”

“Thatʼs not even old anymore,” Gladio laughed as Prompto handed the meat obediently to his prince. “Itʼs _ancient!_ ”

“Lots of old people?” Prompto asked, full of innocence. Noctis worked the flimsy covering around the tray free and slipped the raw protein into the stew. 

“And young people taking advantage of the old ways,” Ignis explained, inching his glasses back by a knuckle. “An introduction, after all, is all it takes for them to get what they want. Whether it is someone to debone the fish for them or someone to serve them personally and taste everything on the plate because they feel important enough to be poisoned.”

“Yeah, but when it comes to carrying out the duties they inherited from their parents— _pfft!_ ” Gladio snorted in total disappointment. “You can expect to hear them nattering about the modern age, how no one cares about this or that anymore…”

“Hey, thatʼs not about me, is it?” Noctis piped up, stirring the hot pot. 

“It better not be,” Ignis warned him. “And stop taking all the meat, Noct.”

“Yeah, leave some for us!” With his personal tongs, Gladio reached for the last cooked meat in the soup. 

“Hey, cook your own damn meat,” Noctis snapped, snatching up his hard work before he could be raced to it. “Cʼmon, thereʼs more in the fridge! Thatʼs why I asked Ignis to get us extra. _With my money_ , by the way.” As if to prove that he wasnʼt entirely useless. Which would have made Gladio laugh if they werenʼt similar on that end. 

“And I take it youʼre not volunteering yourself to replenish them,” Ignis jabbed at him. 

“Hm?” But by then, the prince had already sat himself back down his seat and was slurping from his bowl hungrily. Useless, all right. 

Ignis sighed heavily and stood up. “Very well, Iʼll get them myself.”

“Hey Ignis, itʼs fine, keep eating.” Gladio started to rise after him. 

“Iʼm already up, Gladio,” Ignis stopped him, making sure to put a hand on his shoulder before he left for the kitchen. 

Typical. Gladio clicked his tongue at his disappearance and raised his tongs as a warning to the prince gulping down his soft drink. Guy never catches a break. “You better help him with the dishes later.”

“Or else youʼll be like your royal pain-in-the-ass cousins!” Prompto piped up with a laugh. 

“All right, all right, I will,” Noctis muttered, clicking his tongue. “You’re both annoying.”

“In any case,” Ignis returned with six trays of red meat and an electric kettle, “none of this solves our dear friendʼs predicament. Gladio.” He turned to the man beside him while he refilled the stock with more hot water. “What do you plan to do now?”

Gladio shrugged. “Find a date to shut my relatives up. One week should be enough. With the right bribe, I should be able to book someoneʼs time for a couple of hours.”

“And you think someone will take the bait just like that, huh?”

“The hellʼs that supposed to mean?” Gladio snapped at the crown prince smirking behind his bowl. 

“Look, Iʼm just saying,” Noctis put down his bowl and picked up his phone beside him when it buzzed, “just ‘cause youʼre the standard definition of a good-looking guy doesnʼt mean everyoneʼs gonna fall all over themselves to get in a date with you.”

“Standard definition, huh? Whatʼs up with that choice of words?” Between them, Prompto was helping Ignis clear the table, tossing potstickers into the pot just to get rid of the extra bowls and plates. 

“If looks are all that matters, it sure doesnʼt explain why youʼre still single.”

“Hey!” Gladio rose suddenly to jab a finger at Noctisʼ direction while the prince leaned back and raised his hands to protect himself from his protector. Prompto might have started with a yelp while Ignis hopped back in his own shock. “Iʼm still single because of you! I canʼt go around making commitments when youʼre my number one commitment, can I?!”

“Aw, Gladio, youʼre almost making me blush!” Noctis batted the air shyly at him. 

Which, in turn, made _Gladio_ red at his meaning. “You punk, thatʼs not what Iʼm saying!!”

Prompto tittered wildly with his usual high pitch when he understood what was happening, almost loud enough to cover Ignisʼ tired huff when he escaped to the kitchen again. “He got you good, Gladio!” 

“Hey Ignis,” Gladio called for his last friend in the room, whipping to him. “Leave that and help me out here!”

“How about _you_ come and help me out here?” Ignis retorted with a challenge. 

Well, that would certainly get him out of this pickle. Ignis was definitely better company than the royal ingrate in front of him. 

“Sure,” Gladio replied, eying the smug Noctis pointedly as he pushed his seat back. “Least _one of us_ can be of use.”

Noctis bristled at his accusation. “Why, you…!”

Gladio had the upper hand when he knew the prince wouldnʼt deign to get off his royal ass to help out in the kitchen if he could do something about it. He left him and his dirty looks with Prompto and made his way over to the sink where Ignis stood. 

“But no seriously, why donʼt you just leave that for later?” He peered over Ignisʼ shoulder to inspect his progress. “Itʼs not your job to do the dishes.”

“Itʼll be late by the time weʼre done here, and Prompto will want to drive the car home,” Ignis explained calmly, stacking the rinsed bowls on the space next to him. “If I donʼt get started, Noct will use this as an excuse to skip out on the conference call tomorrow. So you can say Iʼm just staying one step ahead of him. Could I trouble you to wipe these dry and stow them in the drawer?”

“‘swhat Iʼm here for, yeah?” Gladio looked around for the dish towel only to find it slung over Ignisʼ shoulder. “Ever thought about just leaving the dishes in the sink and letting Noct deal with it?” He snatched the towel and set to work. 

“I did that once. He almost threw them out to replace them with paper and plastic.” Ignis switched off the tap and dried his hands on his apron. 

“Oh, thatʼs extreme.”

“Extreme times call for extreme measures, he said.” 

Gladio let out a great laugh, moving to the other side of the kitchen. “Ah, he really is hopeless.” He pulled the drawer and arranged the dishes on the plain fabric that covered the bottom. 

“And yet weʼll happily risk our lives for this hopeless man, wonʼt we?” Ignis chuckled on his way to the fridge to pull out more bottles of soft drinks. He handed some for Gladio to carry back. 

“Well, the payʼs good. And the benefits ainʼt bad either.”

“Then I suppose thereʼs someone more hopeless than the prince now, is there?” Ignis smiled as he kicked the fridge door close. 

“Some _people_ , you mean,” Gladio corrected him with a little smirk of his own. 

“Ah, of course.” Ignis rolled his eyes. “Congratulations on being able to count to two.” He started back to the dining table. 

“Oh, you should hear me count to five!” Gladio retorted giddily after him, hurrying to his side to nudge him sideways as he chortled.

“Huh?” Prompto boosted himself to his feet upon their arrival. “Whatʼs that? Whatʼs that?”

“Soft drinks, what else?” Gladio handed him a bottle. 

“No, I mean, what were you laughing about?” Prompto accepted his drink, though, and twisted the cap carefully to open it. Noctis beside him picked from a selection of two bottles offered by Ignis. 

“Ehh, itʼs just a stupid joke.” Gladio waved it off the air while he returned to his seat, picking up his bowl to finish it. “I was just telling him I could count to five.”

“Huh?”

Ignis chuckled quietly while he stirred the pot, like a veritable _hm-hm-hm_. “Itʼs a long story.” He refilled his bowl, switched off the heat, then cracked one of the bottles open. 

“We probably wonʼt get it anyway, Prompto,” Noctis explained, slapping his leg when his friend sat back down beside him. “Anyway, weʼve got a long story of our own, too.”

“Huh? Ah, thatʼs right!” Prompto straightened up suddenly, putting his fist to his lips as he cleared his throat. When he opened his mouth, the voice that came through was decidedly different. Much lower and quieter than his usual pitch. “This reminds me of something that…” Prompto angled his shoulders a little, lifting his chin while he crossed his arms over his chest. “Iʼve come up with. A recipe I like to call,” he nudged back his imaginary glasses, “Promptoʼs Special Plan.”

Ignisʼ cola bottle landed sharply on the table. Gladio felt like he almost tore a blood vessel in his nose when he snorted painfully at Promptoʼs acting. 

“Ohhh!” Noctis waved a finger at the blonde impersonator. “Ignis, is that you?!”

“Noct and Prompto, I would advise you both to stop this farce while you are still ahead of yourselves,” Ignis warned them behind gritted teeth. 

“Ahhh, Ignis, no need to get scary!!” Prompto was back to himself in a snap, even when Noctis and Gladio howled wildly at his stunt. And just like that, they were friends again. “Seriously, though, we came up with something that could help Gladio with his date.”

“Oh?” Gladio stopped suddenly, pointing to himself. “Me?”

“The one and only,” Prompto chirruped, putting his arms and elbows to the table. “See, Noct and I were thinking…this date of yours, does it have to be a woman?”

Gladio shrugged. “Probably. Iʼm guessing itʼs gotta be someone that can be nagged about marriage and children. Least thatʼs Dadʼs recommendation.”

“Huh?” Noctis leaned forward, throwing his shoulders up. “I donʼt get it.”

“Dadʼs not coming to the party,” Gladio revealed. Noctis and Prompto whipped round eyes to each other. “Let’s just say…itʼs his turn to use the Shield card this year.”

“Ah, I remember,” Ignis jumped in, setting down his finished bowl. “This time last year, was that when we went to the midnight premiere of the monster movie?”

“And crashed in my place after, yeah.”

“So Lord Amicitia was the one who represented the both of you, then.”

“Yeah, and now itʼs my turn to be the scapegoat.”

“Oho!” Prompto pulled himself back to his chair with a finger tracing his chin. Noctis clapped his shoulder as if theyʼd already done a good job. “So this might really actually work. Hey,” he was back on the table, “have you come out to them, by the way?”

“Not officially but,” Gladio turned his hands up on the table, “I donʼt mind if they find out Iʼm bi. I donʼt hide that anymore.”

“So…” Noctis turned to his partner in crime. “Guess that means thereʼs no problem if he goes with a guy.”

“Exactly what Iʼve been thinking, Noct,” Prompto sang to him, clicking his tongue and aiming with a finger gun. 

“Hey, you know someone?” Now Gladio was interested. He pushed his bowl aside so he could put his fists on the tabletop. 

“Yup.” Noctis nodded, turning to face him. “In fact, you know ‘em, too.”

“Them?” Gladio repeated. It took him another beat before he caught onto what Noctis and Prompto were suggesting. “Hey, seriously?!”

“You mean for him to go with the three of us to his grandmotherʼs celebration,” Ignis surmised. 

“Bingo!” Prompto giggled, bouncing on his seat as he clapped his hands. “Well, obviously not all of us.”

“But, think about it:” Noctis spoke up, finally putting his phone away to give his attention to Gladio. “Youʼre gonna put out a mating call—a _dating_ call,” he changed his words quickly when Gladio raised a finger to protest, “for a week with no idea whoʼs gonna pick up. And then youʼre still gonna have to catch ‘em up with whatʼs gonna happen and theyʼll have to be smart enough to dodge your nosy relatives.” 

“Itʼs a lotta work for one night, isnʼt it?” Prompto hummed while he nodded to his own judgment. “But! At least with us,” he jumped on his seat again, “itʼll be easier for you. Weʼre not gonna get asked about kids and marriage plus we know what to expect by now.”

“Though obviously it canʼt be me.” Noctis shrugged. “Iʼm exactly the opposite of what youʼre looking for.”

“Itʼll certainly be a PR nightmare,” Ignis agreed. 

“ _And_ a security nightmare!” Gladio pitched in. 

“Iʼm still in!” Prompto sang, shooting his right arm up. 

“Hey, arenʼt you straight?”

“Yeah, but,” Prompto fell back to his seat, arms across his chest, “if itʼs just you, I donʼt mind.” Gladio wasnʼt sure that was the definition of a straight guy but whatever. 

“Hey, Iʼm warning you,” and he did so with a finger out, “if you end up being my date, Iʼm gonna be on full-on boyfriend mode with you so you better think about this seriously.”

“Done and done!”

Noctis cackled. “Prompto will do anything for the VIP treatment!”

“Hey, itʼs not just that!” Prompto told him. “Who knows, there might be someone there whoʼs looking for a freelance photographer, right?”

“Oh, now I get it.” Gladio snorted. 

“Well, I suppose it wonʼt be much of a competition if only Prompto joins, will it?” Ignis interjected smoothly. 

“ _OHHH!_ ” Prompto moved as if electrified when he pulled himself to the table again. “A new challenger appears!!”

“Hey, this is a tough one, Prompto,” Noctis warned him. 

“Hey Ignis—”

“I know, Iʼm aware, Gladio,” Ignis cut him, adjusting his glasses as he looked him in the eye. “Should I have the fortune of being picked for the party, I will expect you to treat me as nothing less than a real boyfriend would. The terms arenʼt unpleasant.”

“Now youʼre just making me blush.” It was true, though, Gladio was feeling his ears heat up. 

“All right, hereʼs how weʼre gonna do this!” Noctis waited until Prompto finished beating the table for his drum roll before he continued. “In the interest of fairness and speed, weʼre not gonna be doing a Q&A like in those game shows. Instead, weʼre gonna draw lots. Iʼm gonna check what Iʼve got in my room.” He phased past his chair as he whirled to his feet. “Be right back!”

Gladio laughed. “He really likes doing that these days.”

“At least we can be confident he can phase his way out of harm,” Ignis chuckled. “Gladio, youʼre certain of this arrangement?”

“Hell yeah, I am!” Gladio nodded, making sure he was looking at Ignis when he did that. “Going out on a boring family dinner with one of my best friends? Iʼm down. And Iʼm really grateful that both of you are willing to help me out on this, too.” He turned to face Prompto. 

Prompto laughed. “Well, weʼre both gonna get something out of this, arenʼt we?”

“Indeed,” Ignis agreed, sitting comfortably with his shoulders to his chair. “I seem to recall that Gladio has promised his potential date a bribe.”

“Guess I shouldnʼt have expected you both to be doing this in the name of friendship, huh?” Gladio sighed. 

Noctis returned with a look of triumph on his face. “Right, hereʼs what weʼre gonna use.” On the palm of his hand, he presented a pair of sky blue fly lines with one of them knotted several times towards the end. “Whoever picks the line with the knot gets to go out on a date with Gladio.” Somehow, that was enough to set Gladioʼs heart thumping in suspense. 

Ignis nodded his approval. 

“Ah, but before that!” Prompto raised his hand again. “Ignis and I have to decide what weʼre gonna get if we win first. For me, hmm…” He looked up to the plain ceiling as he tapped his chin. “I want Loktonʼs ultra-wide-angle AF lens with the newest VR tech. But hmmm, do I want the 10-20mm or the 16-80…”

“You do realize that I have completely no idea what you just said, right?” Gladio laughed. 

“Anyway, thatʼs what I want!”

“Isnʼt that expensive?”

“Itʼs not _that_ expensive,” Prompto protested, sitting back in his chair. “At least not for you.” Gladio snorted, rolling his eyes. “Cʼmon, itʼs all in the quality!”

“Yeah, Gladio, itʼs all in the quality,” Noctis echoed his best friend though he looked more amused than he had any right to. “And you, Ignis?”

Ignis shook his head. “A cup of Tenebrae roast would suffice me.”

“Oh now youʼre talking.” Gladio shifted to face his friend. 

Ignis smiled handsomely at him. “And a full gas tank.”

Gladio dropped his head just as Noctis and Prompto whooped. “You guys are really serious about this, arenʼt you? Fine!” He thumped his hand on the tabletop. “Itʼs a deal.”

“All right, itʼs on!” Noctis rubbed his hands before he got up and indicated the space between them with his palm towards the ceiling. “Gentlemen, please shake hands.” Prompto and Ignis rose after him to clasp each other. 

“May the best man win, Prompto,” Ignis said to him. 

And then the fly lines were out, the decisive knot hidden by Noctisʼ fist. Prompto, ever so jumpy, pinched the one on the right as soon as he saw it, leaving Ignis to take the left. Gladio couldnʼt believe that this was actually quite suspenseful for him. 

“Ready?” Noctis primed them. “And…pull!” With his quick eyes, Gladio caught the knotted line as it moved up in the air and followed it back to the winner. 

Ignis was blinking in surprise when he saw that he held it in the palm of his hand. 

“And the winner is…!”

With his hands on his knees, Gladio dipped his shoulders to his chest, facing the victor of the little dating game. “Much obliged, Ignis.”

Ignis bowed back to him graciously. “Please think nothing of it, Gladio.”

It was the perfect cover for them to miss Noctis and Prompto grinning at each other and knocking their fists together under the table.

—

“Has it started already?” Gladio asked, just as he kicked the entertainment roomʼs door shut.

“Gladdy, hurry _up_ , you just missed the first two match-ups!” Figures his sister would be annoyed by his tardiness. As a noisy viewer, she always preferred to watch her favorite shows in the company of someone who encouraged her to be as chatty as she liked. 

Which was exactly why Gladio made sure to bring along one of his cheat day chips to appease the lady of the house. He dropped it into the basket of her crossed legs as he went around the wide couch and dumped himself beside her. Irisʼ forgiveness came with a gasp, a giggle and the sound of the bag being torn open. “Did I miss anything good?”

“Not really,” Iris relented eventually, pushing back the sleeves of her Moogle onesie so that she didnʼt stain the fluffy white fabric when she reached for the chips. Gladio grabbed himself a handful and got comfortable beside his sister. “The red teamʼs leading so far and then they went on a commercial break. What took you so long, anyway?”

“Had to stay around and help Noct clean up after us,” Gladio shared, popping one chip after another despite the full dinner he had. That was only half the truth, of course. The full truth was that they all chose to stay until the last dish had been soaped, rinsed and wiped before they left because Noctis wasnʼt going to do it otherwise. “Then I took a shower. Since a certain someone here doesnʼt like it when her big brother doesnʼt smell like flowers anymore.” Gladio indicated the suspect with a raised eyebrow to her direction. 

Iris giggled unabashedly at her older sibling between her chips. “Thanks, Gladdy,” she lilted before she bumped her head onto his biceps. 

If it werenʼt for the pyjamas she was in now, which he knew she was very particular in, Gladio would have pinned her between his armpit (and probably caused a war in the Amicitia household again) but settled instead to rub her crown lightly with his fist which he knew she enjoyed anyway. It made her feel like a kid again, she said. Never mind that she was just. Fourteen. 

“Ahhh, itʼs back!”

“Oh finally,” Gladio bounced on the couch as he and his sister straightened up. On the TV screen, the logo of _Lucian Ultimate Hunter: Team Edition_ spun to face the viewers before fading out to give way to a drone shot of the entire obstacle course, set at the outskirts of the old red light district of the Crown City. 

“Iʼm gonna try out there one day,” Iris boasted, tearing a bit at the bagʼs sides so she could fold them downwards and make a basket for her and her brother. Gladio clapped the crumbs off his hands and brushed them off his bare chest before he welcomed himself to it. “Erica says we should go together.”

“Yeah, and whoʼs training you?” Gladio popped in a chip. 

“You obviously!” Iris elbowed him on his arm. “We only want the best trainer in the city, yʼknow?”

“The best trainer in the cityʼs got his hands full with your prince!” Gladio nudged her back with his forearm. Iris pouted. “Besides, youʼll need a different set of muscles to go through all that.” He pointed to the television where two men, one wearing a black shirt and red shorts, the other stripped down to his blue joggers, prepared themselves for the race. “Way I see it, itʼs not just endurance and arm strength. Itʼs upper torso discipline, weight management and a lot of brains.”

The signaling note beeped and the competitors were off, jumping between tilted boards at the sides of a pool and then leaping up to a pair of handles to roll their way down a grated, inclined bar towards the next obstacle. From the second stage, Red Shorts was already lagging behind. 

“A lot of brains?” Iris echoed turning to Gladio who just stuffed his face full of chips. 

Gladio nodded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Now the racers were climbing under a sagging net until they were dangerously close to the water. Red Shorts was gaining again. “Yeah, these are different from military obstacles where you just gotta go as fast as you can. For instance, you gotta think about where to reserve your stamina, how youʼre gonna stay attached to those punching bags—”

“ _Ohhhh!!_ ” Iris joined him in a chorus of disappointment when Red Shorts slipped from the fat punching bag hanging over another pool of water. The camera panned to Blue Pants whoʼd just landed on the safety mat and thrown his arms up in victory. 

“Speak of the Infernian,” Gladio sighed, taking another half a handful of chips. “Must have let his teammatesʼ pressure get to him.”

“Yeah, they were both women who finished fast.”

Gladio clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “That one needs training, too. See, itʼs a lot of things thatʼll take you out of the gym if you wanna look good on television and give a fight.”

On the screen, the field reporter was interviewing Blue Pants with his two other teammates. 

“So youʼve never thought about joining?” Iris asked, lining up a chip to her lips. 

“‘course I have,” Gladio admitted. “But Iʼve never given it a lot of thought. Itʼs not something Noct needs.”

“My brotherʼs the best Shield,” Iris giggled, snuggling up to his arm. 

“Right?” Gladio beamed. In the race, two women shook hands on the starting platform, one in neon green, the other in candy orange. “Oh shit, itʼs her.” He sat up suddenly. 

“Is she the microbiologist?”

“The one in orange, yeah,” Gladio said. He whistled. “Just look at those biceps.” Spoken as she braced her knees, shaking her hands loose. 

“I wonder if Iʼll ever get those arms and thighs one day,” Iris sighed wistfully, cheek on her fist. 

Gladio smiled at his sister, lips tilted up sideways. “Grow up a little and put on more weight. Then weʼll work on those muscles.”

“Really?! _Heeee_ , thanks, Gladdy!” Iris put her head to his shoulder again. 

They watched in silence as the women raced. Both of them finished strong though Neon Green had a longer reach than the microbiologist and beat her to the buzzer. 

Both Amicitia siblings sagged and sighed at their defeat, though the microbiologist was happy enough to embrace her nemesis. 

Iris slumped back to the couch. “She was almost there…”

“She was so beautiful, though…” Gladio swooned. “A perfect running form.”

“Oh Gladdy,” Iris whirled to him, just as commercials were announced, “are you coming to our grandmotherʼs birthday?” Gladio nodded. “Will you bring anyone?”

“Yeah,” he nodded again, “Ignis agreed to come.”

“ _Ignis?_ ” Iris was suddenly on her knees on the couch so she could stick her wide-eyed look at Gladioʼs face. “Ignis ‘Iggyʼ Scientia?!”

Gladio leaned back, raising an arm to protect him from his little sister. “Why, you know another Ignis?”

“You asked Ignis out on a date?!”

“Well, no,” Gladio shifted a little for space, bringing Iris down to her haunches though the look of disbelief was still very much intact. “He just volunteered to keep me company when I told the guys about it.” He couldnʼt very well tell her that he and Prompto fought (“fought”) for the honor of being his date. 

“Really?” Iris gasped dramatically, pulling back with her hands on her mouth. “Gladdy…donʼt you have a crush on him?”

“ _Didnʼt_ ,” Gladio corrected her, tossing a potato chip to her face. Iris crushed it in her hands when she chased it and then ate the pieces. “ _Didnʼt_ I have a crush on Ignis and yes. I did. But that was before I saw his boyfriend surprise him with flowers on his birthday. Now I donʼt.”

“And…?!”

Gladio stared at her. “And what? So what?”

“So nowʼs your chance to win him over, _duh!_ ” Iris rolled her eyes. “You like him, donʼt you?!”

“ _Didnʼt._ ” Gladio had been about to pitch more chips at his sister before she stole the bag and held it possessively. “ _Didnʼt_ I like him—”

“ _Donʼt_ you like him,” Iris insisted, putting her back to one of the arms of the couch. “Cʼmon, Gladdy, itʼs not bad! He and Celestia broke up like _months_ ago and he agreed to go!” Should he tell her that he just chanced upon the knotted line and Gladio agreed to buy him coffee and gas for it? “Donʼt you think that means something?”

“Like what? Fate?” As decreed by a 1000-yen fly line?

“Whatever!” Iris tossed her hands up. “I know you still like him, you always sit next to him when youʼre eating!” Did he? Well, that was only because they were the closest in age— “Anyway, just promise me youʼll have a good time with him, okay? And like…actually get to know him, like itʼs a _real_ date.”

“But I do know him…”

“Like _really_ get to know him.” Iris joined her hands in prayer. “Please? Seriously, just trust me on this. Youʼll thank me one day.” She flashed him a pretty smile with blinking eyes. 

Gladio opened his mouth to stop her imaginations again but sooner gave up the effort. He didnʼt stay a fool for fourteen years of having her as a sister, he knew the lengths she would go to just to prove a point no matter how insignificant it was. Such was simply the nature of an Amicitia. 

But that didnʼt mean he wouldnʼt pull a big brother tone on her when he warned her with a finger, “You’re reading too much fan-fiction.” 

Iris giggled again, flashing her teeth, chips and all, proudly. “You’re the best brother, Gladdy.”


	2. The Date

The night of the party came. 

With the cheerful gatekeeper guiding him to the visitorsʼ parking lot, Gladio rolled down to the basement and took the first empty slot he could find by the left wall. He got out carefully so he didnʼt wrinkle his slacks—probably wouldnʼt but he wasnʼt used to wearing suits and so behaved as if it was his lifeline—waved his thanks to the bowing uniform and hurried up the clean reception hall. After a brief chat with the concierge where he left his Crownsguard ID and was given a numbered pass in its stead, he made his way to the set of lifts and pressed the up button. The numbers started counting down from 12.

He pulled out his phone and checked the last message Ignis sent him: _Room 506. From the elevators, turn right. I left a spare keycard with 508. Just knock and introduce yourself. Apologies for the trouble. Let me know if you lose your way._ This was the first time he would visit this address after Ignis moved up from his older, tinier apartment, after all. That place didnʼt even have room for six floors. 

Now it had 12 and a rooftop to boot. Gladio held the door open for a mother and her young boy and her groceries and punched the numbers 3 and 5. He tried to help her with her purchases but was rejected out of shyness. So he just held the door for them again at the 3rd floor while she coaxed her son out to the corridor with her, pulling at his chubby arm while he gaped at him. He smiled back and waved. 

Ignisʼ room was easy enough to locate and his keycard obtained from the old man who looked like he worked at the sales department of an insurance company. The sound of cooking and the smell of garlic faded as he closed the door. 

With a tap of the card on Ignisʼ door knob, Gladio welcomed himself to a wide corridor where he left his shoes next to what he recognized were his friendʼs. “Ignis?” he called out to the empty space, making sure that the door was locked before he ventured past the shoe closet and some sealed doors, into the living room with a wide screen TV on the wall, facing a 3-piece lounge set. Beyond it was a small dining area, squeezed in before the black-topped counter that marked the start of the kitchen. Parallel to it was a sealed door, and then to its right, two more of them. 

“Gladio?” Ignis popped his head through one of these last doors, hair still wet and brushed up from his eyes. Gladio greeted him with a little smile and a smaller wave. He replied with a huff. “I am so late, am I not?”

“Uh…” Gladio turned to his silver wristwatch. “No, youʼre good, itʼs only a quarter to 7.” The invitation said that dinner would start at 7, though. 

Ignis groaned with an immaculate roll of his eyes. “Please forgive me, there was an emergency. Iʼll be done in here soon.” He disappeared behind the door again. “Could I trouble you to change my suit? Itʼs in my bedroom just next door. I think it doesnʼt match yours.” The gush of the shower began again. 

“Yeah, sure,” Gladio called back to him and padded obediently in his socks to the room Ignis indicated. “We donʼt _have_ to match, though.”

“Nonsense, Iʼm your date,” Ignis countered from within. “Weʼre supposed to sell the story that weʼve been seeing each other for two years.” Before tonight, of course, he made it a point for them to meet and discuss their fake love story. Which actually wasnʼt so different from their real friendship story, only with dates and yeses and stuff. 

“Oh right,” Gladio replied. “Well, donʼt mind if I do.” He twisted the knob and stepped through. 

Ignisʼ bedroom was about as spartan as a model unit, just with more books and picture frames and personal items. The suit he had selected, laid out on the bed, was a charming shade of royal blue that Gladio realized he _would_ love to see Ignis rock. 

But some other time. If he knew his cousins well, they would all be dressing up in the same shades and while that wasnʼt necessarily bad, he certainly didnʼt want Ignis matching up with some of the relatives he couldnʼt really care about. 

He found Ignisʼ humble collection of suits and slipped the blue one back in before he sought for other options. From the outside, it stood to think that a serious man like Ignis would have nothing but serious hues from which to choose from. 

But Ignis was nothing if not ready _and_ fashionable. Gladio was practically spoiled for choices and brought out five suits from which to pick. 

Ignis would catch him in front of the full body mirror beside his wardrobe, holding out a moss green one to his silver shirt and then a textured grayish brown one. For his part, he went with a deep burgundy shade that was more purple than red, dark enough to look black except for when there was light. 

“Let’s go with the green one,” Ignis decided, reaching for it while he pulled his towel free with his other hand, stripping down to his dark boxers. “What color shirt do you think?”

“Something not white?” Gladio opened his closet again and started putting his other four choices back in. “Look, you gotta understand that Jared was the one who chose my suit for me.”

“What a dedicated chamberlain,” Ignis chuckled, slipping on his trousers. “Couldn’t keep his hands off his young master, could he? If you open the drawer just under there, youʼll find a light blue shirt.”

Gladio did, just as Ignis had said. He put it down on the bed, along with a rust brown belt he found in his organizer just next to the shirts. “Nah, said I wasnʼt dressed right.”

“What _were_ you dressed in?” Ignis unfolded his shirt and went through its buttons like clockwork. Watching him move, Gladio could imagine what his morning routine must be like before he drove to the princeʼs place. 

“This shirt, blue pants, black leather jacket.”

Ignis laughed suddenly. “I see I should send him something to thank him for fixing you up for me.” He slipped on his shirt and began to button from the top down. 

“Oh cʼmon, I was wearing new things!” Gladio flung his hands up. 

“If Iʼm going to be introduced as your boyfriend, I would at least prefer it to be done while _my_ boyfriend looks nice,” Ignis explained. He tucked his shirt tail in and finally zipped his pants close. “I know you like to look like a rockstar but there are occasions where one must forego such preferences. What do your cufflinks look like?”

“Uh…” Gladio twisted his wrist and just showed the emblazoned image of a raptor on his cuffs to his date, who squinted closely at it, compensating for his lack of glasses. That was an easy choice, he and his father always wore the design to formal occasions, as a Shield and a Shield-wannabe. 

“Ah, I should have a pair of dagger links in the red box in the second drawer of my writing desk. Perhaps if you donʼt—”

“Seriously, Ignis, I donʼt mind at all,” Gladio insisted, already going around his twin bed for it. “You’re the one going out of your way to look nice for me when you should be in your ratty shirt, binging on potato chips on a Mogflix marathon.”

Ignis laughed. “Now that you put it that way, it _has_ been quite some time since Iʼd done that.”

Gladio located the red box easily enough, flipped it open and found the accessory. He whistled, picking the pair up gently from its cushioned nest. “These are gorgeous, Ignis. Howʼd you come by these?” They looked almost as if someone had shrunk Ignisʼ fighting daggers and attached them with gems. “These might be too precious to wear for the party.”

“This is the first time youʼll be introducing me as your boyfriend after skipping out last year so I most certainly must look my best to impress the Amicitia.” Ignis asked for them with his right hand. “Besides, it isnʼt often that I get to wear these. These were Noctʼs presents to me when he graduated from high school. A thank you gift is what he called them, though it feels more like my own graduation gift since it feels like I finished with him, as well.”

“Guyʼs got taste,” Gladio commended, pocketing his hands. “So uh…what else do you need?”

“Socks.” Ignis pointed to his lowest drawer and Gladio went. “Some gray ones should work.”

“Hey, Iʼm not about to find something for your eyes only here, am I?” Gladio was already pulling the handle, though. 

“Donʼt worry, I keep them somewhere safe.” The fact that Ignis didnʼt deny it, though…was he being truthful or was he just playing? “Yes, those should work.” He caught the bundle from the air when Gladio tossed it to him. “Thank you, Gladio, I should be able to do it on my own now. Give me 10 minutes tops.”

“Seriously, Ignis, thereʼs no need to rush.” Gladio pushed the drawer shut and dusted his hands as he stood up. “Iʼm not in a hurry to meet my relatives and youʼre my guest. Youʼre the date of the future Shield of the King.”

Ignis smiled, chuckling deeply in his chest while he fixed his cufflinks. “If I didnʼt know better, Iʼd think you were actually boasting about yourself to me. Would that we had time for that.”

“Oh cʼmon, ‘sif I still need to impress you with my resume,” Gladio snorted, then laughed when his friend rolled his eyes. “Take it easy, Ignis. Weʼll just be on time, trust me.”

Ignis produced a long groan, dropping his hands as he hung his head back. “Fine,” he conceded. “I suppose for as long as you are wealthy, there is no sense to keep time, is there? How do you lot put it…fashionably late?”

Gladio pointed to him with a little smirk. “Thatʼs the term. So donʼt bother about being punctual,” he started walking backwards, “we wonʼt be the worst. Iʼll just be outside.”

“Feel free to use the kitchen or the bathroom if you like!” Now that Ignis had mentioned it, he _was_ feeling rather parched. Ah, the power of suggestion. 

He welcomed himself to one of the glasses in the drying rack and filled it up with water. Gladio had just washed it and put it back when Ignis came out of his room and returned to his bathroom, locking up after him. 

Three minutes later, he stepped out, looking more like himself with his hair styled upwards. In a green polka dotted bow tie that brought out his eyes, Gladio realized, and a different pair of glasses, seemingly reserved for such rich occasions. He didnʼt know if it was just him or the suit but he couldnʼt look away from the breadth of his shoulders and his chest and the cut of his waist. 

He wasnʼt going to lie, but he was suddenly so glad Jared had fussed over him because _damn_ , did Ignis look handsome! 

“I take it by your gawking that I look quite presentable.” Ignis smiled triumphantly. 

Gladio swallowed his astonishment with a cough and a laugh. “Yeah! You look…you look _really_ handsome,” he admitted, approaching his friend. He couldnʼt catch his hand before he ran it over his locks, teased just a little with some hair cream, and touched it to the shaved sides of his hair and then over his shaped beard. Thank the gods he had the foresight to clean up on that department. 

Ignisʼ smile changed to something more modest. “Please, itʼs nothing special,” he replied a little more quietly than his earlier victory speech. 

“It ainʼt supposed to be but youʼre makinʼ it!” There was no sense to this but Gladio was feeling a little nervous when he tossed his hand towards his date. “Damn, I gotta treat you right, donʼt I?”

“The pleasure is mine, Gladio,” Ignis said as if to assure him. “Now, speaking of treating me nicely, I realize there is something else that youʼre lacking.” And from his pocket, he produced a brocaded red silk that looked too thin to be a necktie. 

“Oh shit.” Gladio frowned. “Seriously?”

“Iʼll not have you looking like a schmuck in my company, Gladio,” Ignis told him, closing the distance between them so he could wear the fabric around the back of his neck. “Now stay still. This will only take a minute.”

It could have taken them an hour and Gladio wouldnʼt have felt the time pass. When Ignis stepped up to him, he had to suck in his breath and hold it in because it felt embarrassing to the man if he did otherwise…but that was the only thing he could do. The rest of the time Ignis took to wrap him nicely in a bow, he could only stare at him up close, posture absolutely rigid. This was the closest he and Ignis had been that wasnʼt one of them landing on the other or trying to disarm each other with their blood up to their ears. In those occasions, he only saw Ignisʼ teeth bared in pain or in competitive fury. 

This was…quite different from that. Since their heights werenʼt too different from each other, Gladio found himself looking at his eyes, which reminded him of a fresh leaf growing out of an old plant. He never realized that he had more moles on his face than he thought, or that a straight-laced guy like Ignis could be so tender, could move so lightly no matter how many times heʼd seen him work on Noctis. 

He caught himself gazing at those lips when Ignis smiled and patted his masterpiece. “There. Now you look sharper.” His lips looked so soft…he wondered if they were soft… 

Gladio distracted himself with his bowtie and whistled again. “Damn, you did it from scratch!”

“Itʼs not as difficult as they would have you think,” Ignis replied easily. “Anyhow, let me just lock up.” He stepped past Gladio, back to his bedroom. 

“Hey Ignis,” Gladio whirled to face him. “ _Sea Breeze?_ ” Heʼd caught a whiff of his perfume while he was fixing his tie. Clean and crisp with just a little undertone of peppermint and something else floral. 

Ignis smiled brightly and nodded. “I noted you were wearing _Spicy Wood_. From Adamoʼs _Eosian Collection_ , yes?” He was right, of course. 

“Yeah,” Gladio confirmed it. Ignis wanted their scents to match, too. Why was this making him excited? 

When Ignis disappeared, Gladio took the chance to breathe out and grasp his heart before it burst out of his ribs. _Stay cool, Gladio,_ he thought to himself as he tried to recollect his nerves. _Stay cool._

—

“I must say, itʼs quite refreshing to see you in the driverʼs seat for a change.”

“Yeah?” Gladio laughed, raising his hand to salute the gatekeeper before he turned to the road. “Why donʼt you take a look at the back?” 

Ignis did, and he waited for the manʼs reaction while he slowed down at the crossing to let three high school ladies hurry across. Both of them nodded to each other in gratitude and response. “Well, arenʼt you glad your backpack doesnʼt have legs?” Gladio cracked up at his reaction while Ignis fixed himself to face front. “I thought you had a bigger car?” By a bigger car, he meant one where Gladio wouldnʼt have to push his seat all the way just for the legroom. 

“Dad took it. Got some friends from Altissia heʼs taking around the city. So Iʼm stuck with this.” It wasnʼt even that the car was particularly small but he just needed more room. “Shouldʼve just taken your car, huh?” Though for what it was worth, the space was at least cramped enough for him to pick up Ignisʼ perfume. 

Oh dear. No one tell Iris. 

“Ah, about that,” Ignis adjusted his glasses, “remember I mentioned that I had an emergency which was why I had rushed preparations? Well, see, my uncleʼs new wife gave birth.”

“Oh yeah?” Gladio glanced at him, slowing down again when he caught someone flashing behind him. A red minivan overtook him and hurried on forward. Just in case, he memorized the license plate: _LCZ 207. Luciz Ignisʼ Birthday_ just to make it easier. “Hey, was she already pregnant in the year-end celebration in the Citadel?”

“No,” Ignis answered. “And therein lies the emergency: the baby came out early by 2 months.”

“Oh gods, no.”

“Indeed,” Ignis sighed, relieving the headache from earlier as he massaged his temple. “I drove my uncle to the hospital and left the car with him. Then I took a taxi home. Have you taken a taxi this late?”

“Nope,” Gladio said. He bowed to the car to the left of the intersection who waved him on and drove past it. “Why?”

“Itʼs thrice more expensive than what I remember,” Ignis groaned. Another source of his headache. “Perhaps I have simply been driving longer than I thought but it legitimately felt like Iʼd just been robbed.”

“You sure that taxiʼs legit?” Gladio glanced at Ignis again. “Did you get their name and number?”

“I did. And he _is_ registered to Carrus Company and has no known records whatsoever. So it is the sign of the times.”

“Figures the protests finally stopped. The Ministry of Transportation probably gave in to the new fare calculation,” Gladio mused, turning right into the well-lit boulevard of the Crown Lucis Hotel. 

“Okay, here we are.” He shut off the engine and pulled out the keys as soon as he had parked outside, just across the main driveway. A basement parking would have been more convenient but at this hour, he doubted he would be able to score much luck. And a valet would only make them wait longer. “Ignis, just before we get out.”

“Hm?” Ignis did already have his hand on the handle and had just turned back because Gladio said so. 

Gladio could feel his heart tapping a little louder on his chest. “The moment we step outta this car, Iʼm gonna start acting like your boyfriend. So Iʼm gonna hold your hand, Iʼm gonna put my arm around you and Iʼm gonna get real close than usual.” Oh shit, can he actually do this? 

Ignis nodded. “Very well, thank you for the warning. So it should stand to reason that you should expect me to respond with equal affections.”

Gladio nodded in turn. “Weʼll be outta there by…” He looked at his expensive watch. “9:30. The dinner lasts a lot longer than that but I can pull the Shield card. And then, when we get back in the car,” he swept his hand sideways, “the dateʼs done. Though we can get ahead with your payment and grab some coffee before I take you home.” Spend some more time with Ignis. Gladio, what—

“Iʼm quite amenable to that arrangement,” Ignis accepted cheerfully enough. 

“Cool.” Hoo boy. Why was he suddenly so nervous? Gladio rubbed his hands together. “Right, showtime.” He started to get out. 

“Gladio.” Ignis was leaning towards the windshield. “Acquaintances of yours?”

“Hm?” Gladio looked for Ignisʼ suspects and found him to be looking at a couple, the woman dressed in a very flowy red gown with a slit way up her knees and the man in a handsome, ahem, blue suit, both of them all smiles. “Oh yeah, thatʼs Ava. My cousin. From one of my unclesʼ third wife.”

“ _Third wife?_ ” Ignis spat at him. 

“Yeah, well,” Gladio shrugged, “weʼre an old family. Go figure. The two wives are still alive, by the way. Cʼmon, Iʼll introduce you. Sheʼs one of my cooler cousins.” He opened the door. 

“Our first audience,” Ignis mused. “Itʼs showtime indeed.”

Gladio shut the door after him and opened the back to retrieve the last piece of his suit—a burgundy jacket to match his pants. He slipped it on over his shoulders and began tugging on his cuffs. 

Making it easy for Ignis to catch up with him and pull his jacket from the front so he could close the ivory buttons himself. Gladio completely forgot to move again. “Your cousin is coming closer,” he whispered loud enough only for the two of them. “Try to relax a little. Iʼll be less forward with our relationship in the next opportunity.”

“Or maybe _I_ should be more forward.” His pomade smelled like warm vanilla. 

“That also works.” Ignis tugged on his lapel, smoothed out his bowtie and smiled at him. “Remember, weʼve been seeing each other for two years.”

“Right. How close?”

“Sheʼs recognized you.”

“Gladio!” Right on time. 

Gladio turned around and flashed the beaming woman an award-winning smile of his own. “Ava,” he greeted her, waving before he stepped away from Ignis and received her in a warm hug. “Hey, itʼs been so long!”

“It has,” she echoed him, stepping back when Gladio let go. “You werenʼt here last year!”

“Yeah, yʼknow,” Gladio shrugged, “duties to the crown. You look great!”

When Ava smiled, her eyes all but disappeared behind crescents. “Thanks. Itʼs the pregnancy.”

“Oh, Ava.” Gladio wrapped her in his arms again and clapped her fondly. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” she giggled. 

Gladio took the time to share his own congratulations to her partner, meeting him with a handshake before he finally, _finally_ stepped back to Ignisʼ side and brought him into the conversation. “By the way, this is my boyfriend, Ignis.”

“Oh hi!” Those eyes were gone again when she skipped towards Ignis so they could kiss their cheeks. “Ava Amicitia. Iʼm his cousin.”

“Ignis Scientia,” Ignis replied, with a polite nod. “Many congratulations on the baby, Ava.”

Ava thanked them again in giggles before she finally introduced her partner as Lars Sophos who extended his hand for more handshakes. 

“So how long have you been together?” Ava asked as they entered the hotel lobby, bringing out her invitation from her white purse while Gladio slipped his free from the inside of his jacket. “Youʼve been single for the longest time!”

“Weʼve been exclusive for two years,” he answered, choosing not to comment about his singlehood because technically, he _was_ still single. 

“Two years!” Ava almost cried. “And still no marriage?”

“Ah—” Okay, that was unexpected. Gladio had to whip at Ignis in a mild moment of panic before he laughed it off and returned to the other couple who also joined him in polite laughter. “Oh well, you know, duty and all…”

“Iʼm afraid Gladio and I havenʼt had the opportunity to discuss the prospect of it yet,” Ignis added, slipping his hand onto the fold of Gladioʼs elbow to press himself to his side. Gladio had to stop himself from inhaling deeply and forced himself to relax. “As we are both employed in the service of the prince, our commitments as of this point in our lives are…spoken for, so to speak.”

“Oh, thatʼs too bad,” Ava frowned politely, if such a thing was possible. “But I guess it runs with the family, huh?” After all, she _was_ an Amicitia herself, never mind her set of parents. “Well I hope you both find time. You both look so good together!” Ava gushed with stomp of her murder stilettos. Aha. 

Both friends laughed again, Gladio feeling a touch warner around the neck. “Thanks,” he said, touching his tie a little. “Itʼs the bowtie.” It probably _was_ the bowtie. More laughter all around. 

“Oh, Iʼm going to the powder room for a bit. Meet you up there?” Ava had her own arm around her partner when she posed the question, her finger pointed upwards to the chandelier. 

“Sure, see ya.” Gladio waved to her with his free hand. He and Ignis headed off to the lift while Ava and her partner disappeared into a discreet corridor from the expansive lobby. 

“I certainly didnʼt expect that,” Ignis mumbled as they got in the empty lift, taking the time to inspect his reflection as the doors closed. Gladio recognized it as a habit of his in the Citadel—what would you do if you were being sawed between meetings and had to look presentable in all of them, after all? “I thought we said no talks of marriage?”

“Well, like I said, sheʼs one of my cooler cousins,” Gladio explained, doing the same as Ignis. “She didnʼt even bat an eyelash when I came out to her. Anyway, sheʼs one of the few who likes me for who I am so donʼt worry too much. Itʼll be a rarity.”

When the doors opened again, another young couple came in, dressed in matching grayish lavender colors as if it was the brand of their relationship. Gladio reached for Ignisʼ hand and gripped it firmly between them. 

Ignis glanced up to him briefly before he looked away with a smile. Gladio couldnʼt say for sure but he thought that for a second there, Ignis looked like heʼd forgotten that he was acting.

—

For all that Ignis claimed to know about the falsities of old family parties, Gladio could tell by the roundness of his gape that he certainly didnʼt expect the grandeur that welcomed him past the great white doors of the massive ballroom. There were at least five real chandeliers hanging overhead, with blue and gray faux silk streaming from the centerpiece to the smaller, lesser light fixtures at each corner of the ceiling. The place was already full of guests dressed to the nines (and in blue) or in their Crownsguard uniforms, as was only befitting for the clan. In hindsight, Gladio realized he could have opted the same but then if he did, Ignis wouldnʼt have stood so close and put on his bowtie.

Several buffet tables, each with towering centerpieces of their own, were lined up near the wall, with a 5-piece jazz band playing for the clan on a stage in the middle. No one paid the musicians any mind, too busy standing around with a glass of spirit or liquor and laughing and smiling for all that their lives were worth. 

Not busy enough to notice the new couple making their entrance. One pair of eyes turning to greet him turned to several pairs of eyes searching for him and then several pairs of _feet_ making their way to him. Gladio braced himself for the flood of pleasantries. For all that they pretended not to know each other, after all, in the end, the Amicitia Family was practically bred and raised in the ways of the military. And for them, connections were as much a way of life as it was a means of survival. Just a day in the life of the future Shield of the King. 

“Buncha bootlickers incoming,” Gladio muttered to his date while he slipped his arm around him and pressed him closer to his side. He took a whiff of his fragrance just because. “You ready for this?” 

Ignis faced him with what he thought was a dreamy look about him, and he thought the sparkle in those emerald eyes of his set his heart beating to a familiar rhythm from his teenhood, when he first met him. That arm behind his waist wrapped him in a warm blanket that smelled like peppermint and flowers. Gods, this was bad, he was in too deep now. 

“Iʼm so glad I had the foresight to put you in a bowtie,” Ignis sighed out in relief. Of course, if there was anything bright enough to dazzle the man, it could only be his own brilliance. 

Gladio met with the first relative to out-greet the others in a fierce handshake—an older cousin in a decorated Crownsguard uniform, someone he used to be close to when he was just starting out until his father put him under Cor Leonis for his Shield training. And then another cousin wanted the same and then some distant uncle after him with a smile that could have blinded anyone who stared too close. The next aunt brought their cheeks together before she presented her daughter who went for the same greeting so he could catch her perfume of rose and berry. And then one of his uncles clasped him fondly on the muscle of his arm. All that in under a minute. 

“Good to have you with us tonight, Gladiolus,” the same uncle burst with a chesty laugh while Gladio stepped closer to the happy-looking Ignis and put a hand on his side. “We thought youʼd forgotten all about family!” Ahahaha. 

He did forget his name, though. “Nah, it was just work,” Gladio explained, stuffing his free hand in his pocket. “My duties to the prince donʼt leave me a lot of free time for myself.” Everyone nodded in perfect unison and sympathy because what else was written in their script? “Itʼs actually a miracle Ignis and I managed to come at all tonight, though we canʼt stay long. Oh, this is Ignis, my boyfriend. Ignis of House Scientia, His Highnessʼ closest adviser.”

“How do you do?” Ignis dipped his head politely. 

“Why—well met, well met!” The uncle shook his hand, grasping it in both of his before he turned to his other relatives and shared in their…uncertain laughter. That made Gladio hold Ignis closer and smile wider. “Um…forgive me, it must be my age but did I hear you right when you said…boy…friend?”

“Yes,” Gladio confirmed easily. He looked down to Ignis and smiled at him. “We met each other in service of the prince. And…before we know it, weʼve been dating for two years.”

Ignis smiled back, looking perfectly bewitched by those non-existent two years. 

“Iʼm really happy to finally get the chance to introduce him to everyone,” Gladio went on, looking at each of them in their stunned eyes, though his aunt was the one who looked the most devastated by his coming out. “Speaking of, anyone seen Grandmother around?”

“Oh, sheʼs…” One of the cousins gestured vaguely at the back. Gladio couldnʼt find a small, white-haired woman in her wheelchair there but it was a good enough exit as any. 

Gladio thanked him and excused themselves, then, and flashed Ignis one more charmed smile before he led the way towards his imaginary grandmother. His welcoming committee parted to let the two lovebirds through. 

Ignis whistled. “Iʼd say that went about as well as one might expect.” He spoke softly. “Though I feel a little glad that Iʼm only pretending to be your boyfriend. Otherwise, a more sincere heart might have been hurt by those stunned looks.”

“Thatʼs the Amicitia for you,” Gladio sighed, looking around the ballroom and flashing smiles and waving to relatives across the room. “Wary of any outsiders who could shake up the old ways, especially if they canʼt be assimilated into it. For instance,” he raised his brows at his date, “a guy who wonʼt be able to give birth naturally to a son.”

“Surely you must have adopted relatives.”

“If I do, I donʼt know ‘em.” They chatted quietly among themselves. “They donʼt make it easy to know these things. Itʼs different from House Scientia, I guess.” Gladio followed Ignisʼ eyes when it fell to his shoes and he smiled briefly, but just enough to keep the mood light. “Hey…” So he stopped them, and took Ignisʼ hands in both of his as he looked at the round-eyed man closely. “You know Iʼm proud of my heritage and Iʼm honored to be carrying the baton as the next Shield, but Iʼm not gonna be silent about all our faults. I ainʼt proud of this bigotry and I ainʼt gonna make excuses for it.” 

“Why, youʼre being absolutely sincere, arenʼt you?” Ignis breathed, gazing at him. 

Gladio snorted, giving him a funny smile. “Ya canʼt tell?”

“On the contrary, I can tell by the way you are holding my hands.” That was the only time he became aware of his thumbs running over Ignisʼ knuckles. 

Gladio jumped, grunted out a curse and pulled his hands back but stopped when Ignis caught him in his. 

“Not tonight,” Ignis warned him, keeping a wary eye on their surroundings. “Weʼre supposed to be in love with each other.” He tilted his head slightly to look past Gladioʼs shoulder. “Speaking of love…five oʼ clock.” 

Gladio looked obediently, turning a little so he could catch his aunt from earlier storming out with his cousin in tow, the one that smelled of rose and berry. His uncle who had trouble understanding the concept of a same-sex relationship chased after them in some panic. 

“Was that…a marriage prospect just now?”

Gladio swallowed down a crystal when he realized Ignis was right. That aunt did look particularly shattered when he introduced Ignis. He wondered just how far removed they were from him and his father that they needed an expressway into the main branch of the family. “Yeah,” he faced Ignis, “and you just saved me from it!”

Ignis put on a secret smirk while he nudged his glasses back. “I should have charged you more than a gas tank.”

—

It wasnʼt all bad eggs and barefaced surprises, though. Some of his relatives, bless them, conquered their reservations to shake Ignisʼ hand and kiss his cheek, just so they could prove that they were on the Shieldsʼ side and somehow sustain a lifeline in the hierarchy of power. Fewer still were genuinely delighted to see them, even to ask if they werenʼt thinking about tying the knot very soon.

But the biggest surprise of the evening for Gladio was when his grandmother didnʼt appear to reject the idea. 

He saw it in the way the old woman turned to him suddenly, amber eyes all alight and interested as she repeated to him, “House Scientia?” and whirled to finally look at the bowing Ignis. Before that, she had been more interested with the jazz band than her favorite sonʼs son when Gladio and Ignis had come to pay their respects. It figures that she had only started listening when he mentioned his friendʼs family name. For all that the Amicitia were older and bigger, after all, House Scientia still held considerable positions in the court. And where there was power to be had and an alliance to benefit from… 

“Are you certain you were born into the right family, Gladio?” Ignis laughed with him while they made their way to one of the balconies attached to the grand ballroom, both of them bearing mocktails. “Or perhaps I simply had no idea what a military clan could look like on the inside. You and your father, I know only that you are proud of the duty you inherited to serve the king and the prince.” He shook his head when he indicated the full room, bracing his right elbow on the stone ledge so that he faced Gladio. “But not this.”

“Dad was never close to any of ‘em,” Gladio revealed quietly after a momentʼs pause. “Think it started when he and my grandmother fell out. You saw that guy in brown standing behind her wheelchair?” Ignis nodded. “Thatʼs my dadʼs younger brother. She wanted _him_ to be the Shield so my dad could be the one pushing her wheelchair but you know how my dad is.”

“He would have seen it as a complete negligence of trust and duty,” Ignis agreed, sipping from his glass. “So growing up…”

“I never hung out with them either,” Gladio continued, glancing at his relatives. “He raised me apart from them, and pretty much made an entirely different Amicitia in me. Mom helped.” He looked at his clear drink, swirling it with the olive. “You know, I used to be angry at her for leaving us. Wouldnʼt even come when she asked to see me and Iris but then I met these guys,” he nodded to the room, “heard the stuff they say about Mom and Dad behind our backs. Especially Mom…and now I see why Dad never blamed her for the divorce. Or why he got mad at _me_ for being angry at Mom.”

“Do you still keep in touch?”

Gladio nodded. “We do now. Her husbandʼs kinda cool. So are my half-sisters.”

“Good,” Ignis said with several nods. “Thatʼs nice to hear.”

“Youʼve never met your real mom, have ya?”

Ignis chuckled quietly, glancing off to the stars. “Mine is a complicated story, best told in privacy.” Oh, thatʼs a surprise. Ever since they became friends, Gladio had always known Ignis to be an adopted child and thought that was the be-all and end-all of it. 

Turns out there was something more to that. “Oh cʼmon, you canʼt say that and not expect me to be curious,” Gladio snorted, joining him in a couple more chuckles. “Look, you wanna head on home? Letʼs have some coffee in your place.”

“Ah, you really are curious, arenʼt you?” Ignis faced him with a handsome smile. 

Gladio responded only by shifting closer. Perhaps too close that Ignis had to hide his face briefly behind his glass. When he thought about stepping back, though, he could almost imagine Ignis grabbing him by the wrist and reminding him of their romantic front. And anyway, he really wanted to know. As in gods, he was so curious. He wanted to know this complicated story his friend was hiding but more than Ignis being his friend, he was… 

Oh to hell with it—more than Ignis being his friend, he may or may not be infatuated with him tonight. It started with the suit, then the scent, and all those times they were holding hands, walking side by side… 

Maybe Gladio was only selling himself a fantasy, maybe something that came with the occasion but damn if he wasnʼt addicted to the thought of being close to Ignis now! 

Ignis laughed softly again, “Very well,” and leaned back to the ledge to get a little more comfortable. “I am not an outsider, even though Iʼve been made to feel that way my whole life. But I was not a child that my parents adopted from an orphanage to be given a better life.” He tilted his head a little to the other side. “From birth, Iʼve always been a Scientia.”

“Whoah.” Gladio straightened up a little at that revelation. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” Ignis affirmed it with a singular nod. “But thatʼs where things get complicated. It started 21 years ago, when…a certain uncle of mine who we shall call Uncle Alpha had a secret affair with my Aunt Bravoʼs sister-in-law, and in his obsession, got her pregnant. Now as you can imagine,” he adjusted his glasses, “it would have been quite the scandal for House Scientia if such an accident made it to the court. We would be ruined, not only in the public eye, but also amongst ourselves if my scorned aunts ever found out that they had been cheated on. So to resolve the problem of my birth as quietly as possible, my…Uncle Charlie, the one with a new wife, advised his other brother, my father Delta and his wife Echo to adopt their surprise nephew.”

“Wait, Iʼm getting things mixed up.” Gladio held up his hand. “So youʼre tellinʼ me…that your real parents are your other uncle and your aunt-in-law and your parents _now_ are…really your uncle and your aunt? And youʼve got two aunts who are really your half-moms.”

“I think that about sums it up well,” Ignis laughed. 

Gladio whistled, scratching his head. “You werenʼt kidding. When you said this was complicated, you should have added a warning!” Ignis laughed again. “When did you find this all out?”

“In my real motherʼs funeral, when I was 18. My uncle who masterminded the switch was the one who told me. It was quite the truth to process.” Ignis raised his glass to finish it. 

“You donʼt say,” Gladio exhaled, copying his movements as he glanced around the ballroom. At the far end, near the doors, he caught sight of a woman in a soft pink cocktail dress aiming her phone at them. “Annnd Iris is taking pictures of us.” He faced Ignisʼ direction again and downed his drink. 

“Oh?” Ignis sought her out. “I see her. But now she looks like sheʼs texting someone.”

Gladio turned to see for himself. Iris was on her phone now, covering her mouth and then nodding and bowing as she left the ballroom. He curled his brows. “Wonder where sheʼs headed off to.”

“Try not to hound her, Gladio,” Ignis warned him with a light swat on his chest. “Iʼm sure she wonʼt be going far.” When Gladio turned to him again, he suddenly preferred to look at the empty toothpick in his glass. “You know, Iʼve never shared my real story to anyone until now.”

“Seriously?” Gladio sputtered. “You mean…not even to Noct?”

“Well, he never asked,” Ignis faced him again, “so I never said.” That would mean that Gladio wasnʼt just the first one he told it to, he was also the _only_ one who knew about this besides him. What was he supposed to do with this information? Use it to stoke the fire of his old crush? Put it on like a medal as he puffed out his chest? Why did Ignis want him to have this information? 

The burst of laughter ringing from the ballroom put him back to the present. In some table towards the middle, four Crownsguard officers were swinging their glasses to each other. A fifth one joined them with a whole bottle of wine. 

“Well, theyʼre early,” he muttered, looking at his watch. It was only a little past 9 in the evening. “Hey, seriously, you wanna scram?” He turned to his date who had pulled out his phone to read a message. “I know I said 9:30 but I donʼt wanna be around when these guys get drunk.” He indicated the rowdy table with his head. 

Ignis wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Well, I donʼt always get a chance to clock out early. So might as well,” he agreed. 

It felt so natural to Gladio now when he took him by his hand and led him back into the ballroom. They left their empty glasses on a passing tray and made a beeline for the massive doors, stopping only so Gladio could say goodbye to a few choice cousins who clapped him on the back.

“Iʼll see you on Monday, Sir,” a youngster in a Crownsguard uniform bowed to Gladio and then to Ignis. 

Gladio stayed long enough only for Ignis to dispense his own goodbye before he was hurrying them both to the lift doors sliding open. 

Iris reappeared with a man who looked much older than her, dressed in a shimmering purple suit, holding him by his hand as they stepped out to the lobby. Gladio felt Ignis squeeze him in his own, possibly to alert him to this discovery. 

He couldnʼt explain to him in time that it wasnʼt what he was thinking. The man had caught sight of him when Iris waved at them and brightened up with a wide smile before Gladio could try. He left Irisʼ side so he could reach for him with his two arms up. 

Gladio held onto Ignis when he embraced his slimmer form with one arm around his waist. “So good to see you!” he greeted him before he stepped back and looked at him from head to toe. “And look at you—youʼre looking handsome!”

“Thank you, Gladiolus. It feels great,” he laughed. He held out his hand to Ignis, then. “And you are?”

“Ignis Scientia,” he introduced himself, grasping him with a firm shake. 

“My boyfriend,” Gladio jumped in quickly. From behind the man in a purple suit, Iris put her hands to her heart. He would have words with her later at home. For now, he turned to his date. “Ignis, this is my Uncle…?” He trailed off, passing the cue to the new face. 

“Morris,” he finished. They shook hands again. “Morris Amicitia.” To Gladio, he added, “I couldnʼt decide between King Mors or King Regis so I just decided to combine both their names.”

“Twice the regality, eh?” Gladio laughed, earning a slap on his arm from Morris. “Man, Iʼm so glad we got to catch each other! Ignis and I were just about to leave.”

“Already?” Iris complained, stepping up to them. “But Aunt— Uncle Morris just got here!”

“So keep ‘im company for me.” Gladio clapped her gently on her skinny arm with the back of his free hand. “Ignis and I ainʼt got all night, we still got an early start tomorrow.” In general. “Duty and all. Uncle Morris,” he raised his arm for another embrace, “it was really nice seeing you again. We gotta go out for drinks sometime soon!”

“I agree! In the meantime, Iʼll be keeping an eye out on dear Iris for you,” Morris assured him. 

Gladio laughed. “Really appreciate that, Sir.”

“Gladdy!” Iris scowled. 

After an extensive goodbye and more handshakes between his uncle and Ignis, they finally made it to a lift and punched the button for the ground floor. 

Gladio whistled, rubbing his forehead. “Finally got out of that one. You okay, Ignis?”

Ignis nodded to him. “Iʼd say that wasnʼt so bad, despite all the thinly veiled politics.”

Gladio snorted. “Tell me about it.”

“Though I suppose I must congratulate you, you have another two years until you must make a reappearance,” Ignis went on. Gladio laughed at that comment and bowed to him with a little flare of his right hand. “Iris is quite lovely, isnʼt she?” he added suddenly. “Itʼs quite comforting to know that she carries the same generous heart as her brother.”

“Oh yeah?” Gladio laughed again, a little sheepishly this time with the heat creeping up to his neck. He touched his bowtie lightly again as he cleared his throat. “Well…I kinda like to think I had a hand in raising her. When Mom left, I tried to look after her as best as I could. Canʼt do it all the time but,” he shrugged, “I gotta do my best. She turned out okay, didnʼt she?” He was proud of her for it. 

With a happy smile, Ignis nodded. They never paid mind to the hands they held between them, even though there had been no one else to see them.

—

Gladio had only noticed it when theyʼd hit the last floor, but by then, heʼd already gotten too comfortable with the shape of Ignisʼ palm to pretend that he didnʼt notice the prolonged contact. In any case, Ignis was talking animatedly and Gladio told himself he would hate to distract him when he was in the mood.

“I think…” Ignis paused suddenly, finger on his chin as they crossed the empty lobby, past the sleepy concierge in their circular desk. Gladio didnʼt bother to pretend that he wasnʼt watching him fondly. “No, I definitely must say that the baked salmon was my favorite of all.”

“Ya had to think about that?” Gladio started to laugh. “You went back for it three times! And Ava and I couldnʼt get through you whenever you had that thing in your mouth ‘cause you couldnʼt get the damn ingredients down.”

“If I made you feel neglected due to my pursuit for perfection then you have my sincerest apologies,” Ignis dismissed him flippantly, making him crack up louder. Despite that, Ignis still flashed him a bemused smile up the side of his lips. “In any case, youʼll be pleased to know that I was triumphant in my mission.”

“Couldn’t expect any less from ya.” Gladio raised his right fist, then, and it didnʼt occur to him that he had to let go of Ignis so they could connect their knuckles in a light thump. Ah well, heʼd overstayed his welcome and they were already at the car. This was where their arrangement would come to an end. 

At least he got to hold his hand, he thought, as he jogged for the passengerʼs side. Like a final service to his date. Lights flashed and tires screeched from the other side of the boulevard leading into the hotel—

“Gladio—!”

“Ignis!!”

He couldnʼt tell who it was who pulled who. Ignis had grabbed him by the sleeve when he hopped back to avoid the headlights while _he_ drew Ignis to his chest with a sharp tug, turning his back to the crash to protect his friend. 

He waited for the cacophony of metal on metal to stop before he turned again to see a red minivan nose to nose with his car. One of its eyes was busted where it had burrowed into his bumper, and one corner of his hood had become dented and raised. Ignis peeled himself from his arms and hurried off to the side of the driver to pull on its door. When it wouldnʼt give way, he produced a dagger to force it open. 

Gladio went around to look for the license plate at the back, reciting it from memory just as he found the same letters and numbers from earlier: _LCZ 207. Luciz Ignisʼ Birthday._

He made a mental note to send out a database search request for the vehicle while he pulled out a plain leather billfold from inside his jacket. Just in time for a distant set of footsteps from the far side of the hotel that called out to him, asking, “Sir, is everything okay?!”

“Yeah.” Gladio flashed his Crownsguard ID to the stranger in a green and silver riding suit and helmet. He stopped in recognition, standing in complete attention. “You a witness to this?” He glanced at Ignis to see him flashing his phone light on a young woman gasping and sniffling for all her lifeʼs worth, seated sideways on the driverʼs side. Several sets of footsteps were hurrying out from the hotelʼs direction now. 

The rider nodded almost stiffly. “Yes, Sir. I was heading out to Via Somnus from the hotel parking when the van twisted into the boulevard. I fell on the pavement as I tried to avoid it,” he pointed to the black and green motorcycle on the curb, right at the corner of the two roads, “and then I heard it lose control until it crashed into that car over there. Was anyone hurt?”

“Nothing serious,” Gladio answered, slipping back his ID. “Got a license with ya?”

The rider jumped again and pulled out his driverʼs license from his own puffy jacket. Gladio flipped it open to commit a few details to memory before he handed it back to the bowing man. “Right, thanks for your help. Drive safe now.” The man gave him a little salute, bowing again before he turned and headed back to his toppled motorcycle. 

By the time Gladio started back to Ignis, the uniformed men had arrived at the scene, one from security and three from the Crownsguard. His relatives, out for a smoke. “Whatʼs all this, Scientia?” one of them asked. 

“This woman requires medical attention first and foremost,” Ignis sighed, handing his personal effects to Gladio so he could remove his pristine jacket and wrap it over the poor womanʼs shoulders. “Sheʼs under shock and the influence of alcohol which may explain her uncontrollable emotions and driving. She still responds to visual cues, though, which means I think we can rest assured she didnʼt sustain any head trauma.”

“Wow, I wanna grow up to be like him one day,” swooned one of the cousins. Gladio had to stamp down his stupid smile when he felt his heart swell at his admiration. 

“Still, it would be prudent to be doubly safe.” Ignis reclaimed his items and handed the womanʼs driverʼs license and his calling card to the uniformed men. “It would not do for the Crownsguard to come under fire simply because the care for a civilian was done too recklessly. Hereʼs my card. Let me know what becomes of her—”

“Oh really?” That swooning cousin had been about to take them when the first one who called his attention swatted his reaching hand, in the same motion where he raised both of his where Ignis couldnʼt reach them. “You threaten the pride of our family just ‘cause you scored yourself the Shield and then you hand off your mess to us?” If circumstances had been any different, Gladio might have been driven to defend Ignisʼ honor and put his cousin back in his place, and the temptation to do it _was_ real. What his cousin spat out was a great cause for shame and it would have been a prime opportunity for him to show off in front of his friend. 

_If_ he didnʼt know him at all—but he did. He knew Ignis was sharp in more ways than one, he knew he wasnʼt the type to take anything sitting down and he wasnʼt some sniveling boy who still needed his hand to be held (though he would). And just the whole package of his confidence and tenacity makes him so gods damned attractive! 

Gladio wouldnʼt have missed out on the opportunity to watch him at work. Cross his arms and address his belligerent relative with a voice brushed just slightly with impatience. “If you think this is a good time for you to be showing off your costume while a civilian is in distress then perhaps you ought to reconsider your priorities. Iʼll not have you lambasting the image of our respected organization just because your ego wonʼt deign to let you do your job.” That seemed to surprise the arrogant man, his haughty air falling apart all of a sudden. Gladio almost snorted in the face of his relative. 

“Dude, you didnʼt know Sir Ignis is a member of the Crownsguard?” The last cousin clicked his tongue at him. Thankfully, he had the mindset to finally help the young woman down to her feet, calling the security officer to assist her on the other side. She was blubbering apologies now, but still mostly gone. The swooning cousin snatched her license and Ignisʼ card as his escape tickets. 

Just before the admonished youth could take his own leave, Gladio caught him by his biceps and waited until he met him in the eye, red-faced. “I better see you in the office on Monday,” he mumbled to him, then let him go without further ceremonies. 

Gladio stood beside his friend who huffed out quietly while he fixed his glasses, both of them watching the group disappear into the lobby. The guy in the concierge was up in a snap. “That was embarrassing,” he rumbled to Ignis after a second, turning to him. “You were so cool but how my cousin behaved was really embarrassing.” Ignis coughed suddenly in amusement and shook his head. “Iʼm really sorry. Iʼll make sure he never does that again.”

“You know what would have made it more embarrassing?” Ignis looked at him. “If youʼd given in to your temper and humiliated him in public. And I think it was rather cool of you that you didnʼt.” Oh yeah? He did? Not that he had much temper to begin with but he could pretend he did if that made him look better. 

Gladio had to make a conscious effort not to break out into a wild smile and look like a schoolboy whoʼd just been given merit. Instead, he let out his excitement in one great, “Ha!” and shifted around on his feet, lips curled up to what he hoped was a cooler looking grin. Which somehow tickled Ignis into laughter and made him turn away with his fist on his smile. Was that a good thing? It looked like a good thing. Well, anyway… 

“So, anyway,” he cleared his throat and flung a hand to his ruined car. That looked like a better thing to think about than the blood rising up to his face. “So now whatʼre we gonna do?”


	3. The REAL Date

Ignis didnʼt want to take the taxi while the wound was still fresh in his pocket, and rideshares were only bound to be more expensive. 

Gladio, on the other hand, didnʼt want them to suffer his drunken, arrogant relatives just so they could hitch a ride with his father when he finally dropped by to fetch Iris. 

There were no bus stops near Ignisʼ residence and the train that served the closest station was reporting a delay due to a bomb threat. 

Which left them no other choice but to walk. 

With a little smile, his hands behind his back as he put one foot in front of the other, Ignis laughed suddenly at the fruitful discussion they just had. “All these options in our hands, but none that suits us, eh?” Well, truth be told, they hadnʼt explored all options yet. For instance, they could have just asked Noctis to pick them up, or even Prompto. 

But Gladio was thinking that he much preferred this private time he was having with Ignis. “Well, you did say it was just 30 minutes,” he reminded him. At least, that was what the map app said. 

“At this pace?” Ignis pertained to their strolling motion. “I highly doubt it.” But that wasnʼt enough to make him change his steps. 

“Well, I could think of worse company.” Gladio smiled to him, and received the same look in return. “You okay, though?” he asked his former date suddenly, putting his hand lightly on the span of Ignisʼ back. With his green jacket left with the poor crying woman (who had received medical attention by now and otherwise had a clean record except for her DUI) (it was a long story but his swooning cousin told them there was a breakup involved), he was dressed down to his light blue shirt in a chilly evening.

But Ignis only thanked him for his concern. “No need to worry yourself with me, Gladio. Iʼm feeling fine,” he insisted, looking softly on to him. 

Gladio may have heard his heart beat in that comical way they portrayed it in Irisʼ comics. Well, now what, though? All this time to walk and nothing to talk about? A damn shame. 

From the empty boulevard of the hotel, with its dark facade illuminated by stark golden lights to make it sparkle in the night, they made their way to the sidewalk of a two-way road which might have been busy except for the late hour. At the corner, the fruit store had just closed its steel gate. Next to it, the pharmacy had just flipped its sign as one of its staff pulled in the magnetic standing board with all their latest offers. Everyone was closing up shop, trying to beat a few stragglers who might have it in mind to do some last minute shopping. 

Gladioʼs phone twittered happily in his pocket. It was his sister calling. “Iris,” he answered, glancing at Ignis who turned to him at the noise. He inspected his own phone, then, and started tapping away at the screen. 

“ _Gladdy, I just got off the phone with the towing company. They said they donʼt accept claimers over the weekend so weʼll have to wait until Monday._ ”

“Sounds fair,” he ceded. 

“ _Also Papa said heʼll be here in 15 minutes. Have you and Iggy gone far?_ ”

Ignis had just finished with his phone when Gladio looked at him again. “Yeah. Weʼre kinda out of the way right now. Donʼt worry.” He stopped to pick up a coin in the concrete and offered it to Ignis who smiled and waved his hand. Well, that makes him a hundred yen richer. “Iʼll probably be able to get him home by then.”

“ _Okay, Gladdy. Have fun!_ ” Well, of course she would say that. And well…he kind of was. 

“You, too, Iris,” Gladio replied, before he hung up and pocketed his phone again. “That was Iris,” he said to Ignis watching him. “She said we wonʼt be able to pick up the car until Monday. Guess that goes with Vitae, too.” The drunk woman who had crashed their car. 

“Sheʼs still in the party?”

“Yeah, but Dadʼs coming to pick her up soon.”

Ignis nodded. “Sheʼs a lot closer to your cousins?”

“Let’s just say sheʼs got her group of friends there,” Gladio answered. His left hand came up to stop Ignis when a bicycle came through the alley to their right, joining the thicker road. He led them onto the next sidewalk, passing a plain office building that looked like it had been around for the past 50 years. The next row of businesses after it had also locked up for the day, except for a glimmering storefront somewhere past the next corner. A convenience store by the looks of it. “Guess lots of things can happen in the 8 years between us.”

“Eight years?” Ignis whirled at him. “You’re eight years apart?”

Gladio nodded, lips pulled up on one side. “Thereʼs a full grown kid between us.”

“Somehow Iʼd always thought it was just five,” Ignis replied. “How old was Lady Amicitia when she had her?”

“Thirty,” Gladio answered. “Mom married young. I was born in the first year of their marriage so my Dadʼs side suspected she was already pregnant with me during their wedding. The worst of them was accusing her of doing it on purpose, seducing my Dad so she could marry into a powerful family since sheʼs middle class.” He cackled suddenly, smiling at the dark interior of a flower shop. “Couldn’t take the idea that they had sex during their honeymoon, I guess. That they wanted me.”

“Iʼm sorry, Gladio.”

“Nah, itʼs fine.” Gladio smiled at him, shaking his head. It really was fine, it had been over 20 years since, after all. Not that anything would change the truth of what they said, but that was exactly why he didnʼt want to bother himself with it anymore. “I know they wanted me. Thatʼs what matters,” he said to the both of them. 

And as it turned out, that was what he needed to say to invite Ignisʼ sympathy, in the form of a hand squeezing his. 

Gladio snapped to it suddenly in surprise. “H, hey,” he laughed, eating off his grin from his face though he couldnʼt very well do that with the color of his cheeks. “‘sfine, no need to pretend to be my boyfriend just ‘cause I got a sob story of my own.” Not that he was shaking Ignis off, too. 

“I donʼt need to pretend to be your boyfriend to show you my sympathy, do I?” Ignis cast him a funny look, lips quirked in bemusement. “Then again, perhaps habit has forced my hand,” pun certainly intended, “since we couldnʼt take the car.” Where their arrangement was supposed to end. 

“You tellinʼ me you wanna be my boyfriend for the weekend?”

“If it will earn me a weekʼs worth of gas, why not?”

Gladio held up that hand Ignis held, letting him dangle. “Let go.” Ignis laughed even as he obeyed, joined by Gladio. 

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, as if he wanted to keep the warmth for as long as he could. “Hey, dʼyou know I was supposed to have a baby brother?” he added suddenly, nodding at the round-eyed Ignis. Like some guy trying to curry comfort from the guy he liked. “Yeah. Three years younger. He would have been named Aster if he made it through.”

“A miscarriage?”

“Yeah,” Gladio said. “After that, Mom wanted to try again but Dad got really scared. And pulled the Shield card on her,” he snorted, just as Ignis made a similar noise and shook his head. “Iris was sort of like…their last attempt on a relationship. Mom left when she was only 5.”

“Itʼs no wonder youʼd harbored quite the anger against her. You were already 13.”

Gladio nodded. “Well, Iʼm glad thatʼs over with.” His phone chirruped, at the same time that Ignisʼ did. When he expected a message, though, what he found was a notification from one of his social media accounts that made him sigh heavily as he tapped it. 

“Whatʼs that?” Ignis caught on easily, fingers still zipping over his keyboard. 

“Iris. You know those long get-to-know-me questionnaires that have been going around?” When Ignis nodded, he flashed him the long list on his screen. “She tagged me in one of ‘em again. Not that Iʼve ever done one. She tagged you, too?”

“No, this is Noct.” Ignis kept his phone and asked for Gladioʼs to scan the questions. “I reminded him to read up on the latest draft of the renewable energy bill, he asked me if I wasnʼt having fun with you. I told him it all depends on if he read the bill or not.” Gladio cackled heartily at that rebuttal. “Hm, these questions actually arenʼt bad. You should treat your sister and answer them.” He passed the phone back to Gladio. “Iʼve seen worse.”

“Oh yeah?” Gladio grinned at Ignis. “You got tagged in these, too?”

“By someone who seems to have tagged everyone in their list, regardless if we were simply professional acquaintances or not. Which we were. Those questions were quite intimate, too.”

“Let me guess:” Gladio cleared his throat. “Lights on or lights out? What turns you on? Favorite position? How many times do you have sex in a week?”

“Favorite body part, sexual activity, sex toy…” Ignis rolled his eyes. “There were 69 questions all in all.”

“Oh, cheeky.” 

Ignis nodded to his phone. “Those are quite decent. And rather creative, in fact.”

“You really think I should answer these for Iris?” Gladio hadnʼt been thinking about it but since Ignis kept insisting… 

He scanned the questions again. “I dunno how to answer half of these, though. What makes you cry?”

“Which is why theyʼre creative, Gladio,” Ignis chuckled. “In fact…” He curled his brows and his lips upwards at his friend, crossing his arms in front of him. “What _does_ make you cry?”

“Oh cʼmon, Ignis,” Gladio laughed, choosing to face where they were going instead. At least the city wouldnʼt ask him what makes him cry—

“No, seriously, I want to hear this. What makes Gladiolus Amicitia cry?” Gods and Messengers preserve him, he really sounded serious, too. 

Gladio whipped back to him with an inclined brow though he caught himself before he asked him the obvious question of if he was serious. “You mean like,” he gestured vaguely to his side, “in pain? In anger? Because I got sad or like in a movie or a book?”

“Just in general.” Ignis shrugged. “Surely there must be a common theme in them.”

“I dunno if thatʼs how things work,” Gladio scratched his head, then turned his eyes to the clean pavement as he started to wonder if maybe Ignis was right. Well, people hurt. Getting punched in the face hurt, getting dressed down by his father or the marshal hurt. Watching people get hurt in the cinema also kind of hurt if you were in the right mood for it. 

“I guess…” Gladio shrugged at him. “Getting hurt? And…not being able to do anything about it?” 

“Like fighting back?”

“Yeah?” Gladio felt stupid. “I mean…” He gestured to the space in front of them. “Like if my dad scolds me, I canʼt hit him back, yʼknow? And punching bags donʼt hit or shout back either. So you know…what am I gonna do with this…this thing thatʼs causing me pain?”

“Thatʼs a good answer.” Ignis smiled. 

“Yeah?” When Ignis nodded, Gladio felt like he was on top of the Citadel. “Ha, guess that wasnʼt too hard.” He snickered all confidently. “Uh…so do I get to ask you the same question now, too…?” It was only polite to be curious…right? 

Ignis looked off pensively at the distance, particularly where the bright lights of the convenience store hit the ground in a clean splash. “Being alone,” he revealed. 

Gladio almost stopped in his steps. He didnʼt expect that kind of honesty tonight! Then again, heʼd already shared his family circumstances so…what was a little question about his tender emotions, right? “You mean like…loneliness?” he ventured carefully. 

“I suppose.” Ignis nodded. “You can be lonely when youʼre alone. And when no one will watch you, no one will judge you, itʼs easy to give in and cry a little.” He turned towards Gladio. “Just enough until you can pick yourself up and go out there again.”

Gladio sighed heavily. “You’re telling me this now when it sounds like youʼve been doing this behind our backs all this time?”

“I neither have the courage nor the inclination to cry in the company of someone else, Gladio,” Ignis explained himself and looked perfectly happy to do it. “So even if youʼd offered me your shoulder, I would have just wasted your generosity.”

Gladio snorted, shaking his head, eyes wandering to the illuminated storefront to his side. “You ainʼt gonna waste anything of mine, Ignis. Hey listen, this is getting heavy, you want some ice cream?”

Both Ignisʼ brows flew when they stopped. “At this weather?”

“Yeah!” Gladio grinned. “You ask me, sweater weatherʼs the best weather for some ice cream. Cʼmon!” From within his pocket, he revealed the lucky coin heʼd picked up earlier. “My treat.”

The interior of the convenience store was pleasantly warm, and smelled vaguely of lemon disinfectant. They found the ice cream chest at the farthest corner of the large room from the entrance, parallel to the cashier at the right-side wall. Gladio found his favorite easily enough—an ice cream sandwich made from vanilla and chocolate wafers. 

But Ignis had a different idea, snatching it from his fingers so he could shove two packets of popsicles in its place. The plastic had the image of a cartoon dog jumping with two slender sticks, one in each fist. 

Gladio recognized it immediately when he brought it out of the chest, looking at each package from the front and back. One was melon-flavored, the other was watermelon. “Canʼt believe they still make these!”

“I was quite elated to find it myself in my last grocery run,” Ignis shared, dusting his hands after heʼd sealed the freezer. He followed Gladio closely to the cashier while he dropped the 100-yen coin onto the money tray and negotiated another 50-yen from the purse strapped around his leg. “I made sure to leave some in Noctʼs freezer as a surprise. He used to be quite fond of it, as well, as a boy.”

“Who wasnʼt?” Gladio laughed, raising the popsicles to the man behind the till in thanks before he led the way to the white counter pressed up to the glass window, overlooking the empty sidewalk. He sat himself on a stool and handed the stuff to Ignis. “You choose.” Ignis went for the melon easily. “Your favorite?” He was grinning as Ignis nodded. “I used to like the orange one.”

“Now that you mention it, I havenʼt seen that flavor yet,” Ignis remarked, grasping the popsicle on both sides so he could break it in the middle. Then he tore the plastic open and handed one half of the treat to Gladio, holding on to its twin for himself. “Must be popular.”

“Or so unpopular that they decided to drop it,” Gladio chuckled, popping the frozen treat into his mouth for his first taste. The subtle sweetness of the melon was just as he remembered it. He hummed out in approval when he slipped the popsicle out and waved it. “Thatʼs the taste of childhood, all right.”

“At the peak of summer,” Ignis continued after him. “Sticky with sweat and melted ice cream around your fingers.”

“And snot from your nose, after tripping and grazing your knee on the ground.”

“Indeed.” Ignis held out his popsicle towards Gladio. “That did make both of us cry.” He put on a bright smile when Gladio laughed. 

They toasted, as if they held champagne glasses instead of childhood treats. 

“Iris never enjoyed this?”

“Yeah, by the time she was born, it was gone from the shelves,” Gladio said, swiping a finger over his phone to unlock it. The questionnaire was still on the screen. “Her childhoodʼs way too different from ours.” He browsed it briefly. 

Ignis leaned a little closer to look. “Ask me something.”

“Hm?” Gladio turned to him. 

“I asked you a question earlier,” Ignis went on to explain himself. “Now itʼs your turn.” Oh, they were doing this now? 

Well, donʼt mind if Gladio did. “Uh…” He brought the list back to the top and pulled it a little more slowly so he could read through them. 

“Oh, this oneʼs not bad.” Gladio found one. “When eating chocolate, do you bite it or let it melt in your mouth?” 

Ignis answered swiftly enough: “I bite it.”

“You do?” Gladio faced him. True enough, he caught him biting at the ice pop with his front teeth and chewing it in his mouth. “Ugh.” He pretended to shudder. “Iʼm never getting in bed with you.”

“Where did that come from suddenly!”

“Seriously, you bite it?” They were both laughing, though. “I thought you were the chef! Whatever happened to savoring it? I let it melt in my tongue like how itʼs supposed to be done, enjoy the moment while it lasts.”

“Food is more than just flavor, Gladio. Itʼs also the texture and the body.” Of course Ignis would take this opportunity to lecture him. “It has to be appreciated in its entirety—for instance, if it has nuts, it is better appreciated when consumed as a whole.”

“We still talkinʼ about chocolates here?”

“ _Yes. We are._ ” Every word enunciated. Gladio let out a laugh again while Ignis rolled his eyes and held out his hand for the phone. 

“We gonna do this all night?” Gladio slid it over. “Thereʼs 50 in there.”

“Weʼll each stop at 3,” Ignis decided. “Iʼll ask my second.” He cleared his throat, straightening up a little. He found his question easily enough. “Name one instance where you missed a loved one.”

“Oh, thatʼs a good one,” Gladio noted, sucking at his popsicle thoughtfully. “Who do I miss?” he asked himself, but couldnʼt come up with anyone off the top of his head despite his wide network of friends. Or was it because of that that he seemed to be missing someone? Better do this carefully, he thought. It was all fun and games but…well, still it was Ignis. 

And he was watching him closely, sitting right next to him. Whatever it was he came up with, it had better be a good one. 

Determined to that end, he began to sift through all the people he knew. Iris was the first person to come to mind, of course. 

He coughed on his icy treat and took some time to clear his throat before he started to laugh and wave his stick at his friend. “I got a good one,” he promised him, sliding off the last of his ice pop into his mouth before he revealed: “When Iris got her first period.”

“Oh you were there!” Ignis had to turn a little towards him to express his surprise, and Gladio wasnʼt going to lie but the look on his face was gratifying. Sorry, Iris, but this was kind of your fault. “Why, this must be quite recent, isnʼt it? What happened?” Gladio cleared his throat, but in a proverbial way. 

“It—” he started then broke off in a cough and a smile while he scratched at the scar over his brow, partly for effect but also he was looking for the right words. “It actually wasnʼt…as bad as I thought.” He raised his palm towards Ignis and his charmed smile. “I mean this seriously, I ainʼt bullshitting you. But letʼs just say itʼs a good thing Iʼm bi. Thereʼs a lotta things you can learn about being a good brother to your sister by dating women.” He cleared his throat. For real now. What was that preamble? 

“It had to happen on the day our housekeepers were out on their day off,” he began, seriously this time. “It was just Iris, Jared, Talcott and me in that house, and then Jared wasnʼt feeling very well. So Iris volunteered to look after Talcott, and that was when he noticed that she um,” he gestured over his shoulder, “she had a stain on her skirt.

“I was going through my forms in the garden when Talcott started calling my name and telling me to come quick. Iris was crying, he said,” Gladio went on, tone even. “I was going through all the worst things that could have happened when I ran up to her room and I had to,” he made a play of pushing at something with his right elbow, “I had to break her bathroom door open just to find her. And…she was on the toilet seat, crying her eyes out…” He rubbed his chin, tried to think of another way to continue his story without somehow disrespecting his sisterʼs privacy. 

“You saw it for yourself?”

“Yeah, I did.” All the Astrals and their mothers bless Ignis, really. He nodded to him. “It was enough to scare her and think she was about to die.” Which made him laugh a little softly, and scratch his nape. “Made me feel bad that I knew more about women than she did since I started dating…and it made me miss my mom.” And there it was, the answer to his question. “I thought she would have known how to comfort Iris and help her if only sheʼd been around.”

“You opted not to call her?” Ignis asked on. 

“Yeah, I keep thinking that I should have,” Gladio admitted, turning his hand a little. Then he took the other popsicle between them and broke it in half before he ripped the plastic open, just like Ignis did earlier. “But I thought since I had some pads in my bag for my girlfriend, I could handle it myself. Besides, being her brother, I thought I gotta show her that she could count on me.” 

He shrugged, offering Ignis one stick. “‘course I never thought about how she would have felt better if it was a woman explaining to her how to put on the pads, and not some guy showing her a video of how to do it. All I was thinking about was that…since Iʼm her brother, I gotta do these things for my sister. I gotta know how to help her out without counting on anyone.”

“And how is that turning out?”

“Itʼs…” Gladio paused for another second, stroking the side of his neck. “A lot harder than I thought,” he confessed, to which Ignis smiled and nodded in understanding. “Iris is a smart girl, probably smarter than me. Sheʼs got all these questions I ainʼt got the answers to…so I keep calling my mom for help, anyway.” He laughed briefly, and a little shyly. “Iris was another reason why I told myself I gotta open up my heart to Mom again. Canʼt let my hurt affect my sister, yʼknow?”

“And I think Iris is all the better for it,” Ignis assured him, reaching over to grasp his wrist. A friendly gesture but for an infatuated guy like Gladio, he may as well have patted him on the head. He sucked on his popsicle as if it would stymie the blood in his ears. “Iʼve never had real siblings before, and I suppose Noct doesnʼt count…but I think youʼre doing well.” Oh, Ignis really knew the right words to say. 

Gladio smiled. “It means a lot to hear that coming from you.” Now it was Ignisʼ turn to laugh suddenly and clear his throat behind his fist. Oh? Did he make him blush? “Well,” he indicated him with his popsicle, “what about you?”

Ignis hummed, nibbling on his watermelon stick pensively. Gladio popped in his own, watching his profile. He never realized that he had a slight bump on his nose bridge, and were his lashes really that long? He never noticed…and the curve of his lips as he started talking—

Oh shit, he was talking—

“Iʼll take some inspiration from your answer, if I may,” Ignis began while Gladio pretended to busy himself with the plastic packets for proper disposal. Totally not obsessing himself with Ignisʼ good looks. “I had a terrible night I would never forget…back when Noct was just about to graduate from high school. I suppose it was a series of bad things happening one after another—I woke up at 4 in the morning that day—”

“Dude.”

“—to finish this case study—yes,” Ignis laughed when Gladio stared at him. “I had a case study I needed to present to the council on the same day, as a part of my education as Noctʼs adviser. And I remember being unimpressed by the evaluation I was given. And on the same day, I was late for another meeting, found out my doctorʼs appointment was canceled when I was already in the middle of rush hour traffic and—” Gladio started to laugh with him. “And that same evening, Noct and I quarreled. It was about his graduation speech that I thought he was expecting me to write for him, when it turned out that heʼd already sent me the draft in the email and was expecting me to read through it instead.” Ignis sung out a long sigh despite his amusement at his own disaster, rubbing his forehead at the memory. 

“He sent me off looking extremely hurt,” he went on. “At home, I put on the TV to drown the silence…and this movie was on which I remembered was my Aunt Veraʼs favorite. You know, despite her husband telling my adopted father to raise me, I was never close to my parents.”

“Yeah,” Gladio said. 

“I think that was partly why I learned to be independent at an early age…but for matters where I needed a maternal figure, my Aunt Vera was there. So…” Ignis scratched his chin. “Where was I…oh, the movie. It was something that came out when we were still young, Gladio. And what I did when I saw it was on was that,” Ignis started to chuckle, “I took a tub of ice cream from the freezer, sat myself on the floor and started crying as I watched it,” Gladio cracked up loudly while Ignis pressed his forehead to his fist, shoulders bouncing with every beat of his own laughter, “because I missed her terribly and I thought surely she would have spoken to me with words of comfort! It was quite embarrassing but I feel free to share it now that some time has passed.”

“Ugh, I canʼt imagine the feeling,” Gladio groaned while Ignis snickered on, chewing on his popsicle again. “Iʼd have felt like shit if I ended up alone in my apartment after a horrible day like that. And then with nothing to cry on but a tub of ice cream?” He shook his head in a mixture of disbelief and admiration while Ignis finished his popsicle, shaking in glee again. “You got balls of steel, Ignis.”

“I would have felt worse with embarrassment if there had been anyone who saw me bawling that night,” Ignis pointed out. 

“Hey, donʼt knock it ‘til youʼve tried it.” Gladio held out one of the torn packets so that Ignis could slip his empty sticks through. “I give a mean bear hug, if you get what Iʼm sayinʼ. We good? Let me just throw these things.”

“So do you recommend that I hold on to my tears until you become available for that bear hug of yours?” Ignis got up after him and followed him to the door while Gladio waved to the bowing cashier to thank him. “I think thatʼs quite difficult to ask of a man whose emotions are ready to snap.”

“Hey, thatʼs whatʼs great about hugs!” Gladio stepped out after him, and they were back on the road to his apartment. He asked for his phone. “Itʼs warm, timeless, feels good anytime you need it.”

“Iʼll consider your offer,” Ignis acquiesced, passing him the questionnaire. “But I wouldnʼt hold my breath either.” There was a wind blowing now. 

Gladio clicked his tongue with a shake of his head. “Bet you you wonʼt look back once you get these arms. Lucky for you, my offer doesnʼt expire.” Did he just flirt with him? He totally just flirted with him. “Let’s look for something nice and easy…” He scrolled up the list. “Here, say 5 good things about the person who tagged you.”

“Iris?” That would be Iris, all right. 

But where was the fun in that? He could always just tell her later if he wanted to follow the rules. But for now… 

He wrinkled his nose. “Nah, letʼs change it up,” he said, facing Ignis. “Weʼll say 5 good things about each other, yeah? You start.”

Ignis chuckled, dipping his head while he nudged at his glasses. “You werenʼt joking when you said easy.” Oh damn, that was a good one. Gladio felt his neck burn at the compliment. What did he sign himself up for again? “Well…for starters, youʼre very handsome.” Gladio fought the urge to pull at his bowtie. “You’re quite charming. Youʼre very genuine to the people around you.” When Ignis smiled to him, he knew there was no way he would have missed his flustered state. “You are…smart and intuitive in ways I wish I could be…and I would trust you with my life.” That one caught him by surprise. 

“Wow,” Gladio sputtered, reaching for the back of his hair. He would trust him with his life, he said. “Seriously?” And he didnʼt know Ignis to be the kind of man who would say anything just because. “That…thatʼs a loaded compliment. If I ever heard of one.”

“Which is?”

“The last one,” he said, facing his friend. “I mean, itʼs nice…I like it when someone tells me that Iʼm good at what I do, yʼknow?” Gladio gestured to him. “And if thatʼs coming from Noctʼs closest adviser, then thatʼs high praise, yeah?”

“I donʼt just mean your job, Gladio,” Ignis chuckled. “I also mean your personality, your strength of character. What makes you Gladiolus Amicitia.” He smiled at him. “And I think youʼre a good person.” The rules said only 5 but he went and gave him a 6th, anyway. 

Now he was seriously burning. He might have coughed when he tugged on his bowtie. “Seriously, you know how to make a guy blush, huh?”

“Itʼs no special skill, Gladio,” Ignis told him with a little smile. “Anyhow, now itʼs your turn.”

Gladio cleared his throat. He canʼt lose to this game. “Gimme a minute, youʼve got like a hundred but I can only choose 5, right?” The way Ignis burst out laughing told him he said the right words. Gladio grinned at the pink on his ears. “Let me see…one, I think youʼre very handsome, too.” Which was why he was in this situation now. Ignis bowed graciously towards him. “Two, obviously youʼre very smart and skilled, and I could easily depend on you on a lot of things. Which I guess makes three.” Gladio stopped and inspected the next corner to look for a landmark he saw in the map. “This way.” 

“You stopped at 3,” Ignis reminded him helpfully when they turned into a brighter street, though still quiet and empty except for three other people, coming home late from the office. He must have passed this way, Gladio thought. He recognized the small grocery store at his right and the house at the corner turning left with the signage of a cafe. 

Gladio made a huffing noise at him. “Didnʼt I tell you I could count to 5?” That made Ignis laugh. “Four,” he picked up his comprehensive list of virtues, “you make me wanna be a better person because of the qualities you got.” Ignis beamed at that. It was true and, he was seriously considering the prospect of dating him now, if that meant they could talk like this and he could walk him home again. So for that to happen, he better take a look at his areas for improvement. “And lastly but definitely not the least, youʼre a kingmaker.” That one earned him a round-eyed look and a half-gape. 

“Really?” Ignis exhaled quietly, and there was something about this particular smile on his face that looked brighter than any heʼd seen that night. “You would say that?”

Gladio wondered why that was. “Just did.” He shrugged casually. That bright smile changed, then, into one of pride as he faced his polished shoes. “Cʼmon, you got the prince writing speeches and reading bills, right?”

“Well, the last one is still up in the air.”

“Washing dishes.”

“A team effort but Iʼll take the credit.” Ignis grinned when Gladio whooped out a great _ha!_ “Thank you, Gladio. That means a lot to me.”

“The kingmaker bit?”

Ignis nodded. “No one has ever called me that before,” he revealed. Gladio couldnʼt believe it, did he just score another point with him? “Always itʼs…the princeʼs attendant, the princeʼs help…and some have dismissed me worse.”

“They donʼt know the shit you put up with, Ignis.”

Ignis shook his head. “I donʼt let them bother me anymore. I know what I do and so does Noct and the king. So do you, and that is what matters.” Oh wow, his thoughts mattered. “Still…I quite like the word kingmaker. Itʼs quite…” He looked a little shy when he smiled again. “Validating. Appreciative.” Even the rumble of the dark skies overhead said so. Oh wait. 

“Oh, come on,” Gladio muttered under his breath while he pulled back his jacket, eyes on the starless night. The first heavy drop landed squarely on his cheek. 

He managed to hoist the jacket just in time over him and Ignis before rain fell in a steady pour. “Cʼmon, letʼs get dry!” The closest shelter he could find in a quick sweep was the coffee house at the next corner. 

They made a run for it—or tried to while they squeezed themselves under a single jacket and neither of them were small men. Gladio waited for Ignis to grab the door before he rushed in after him. 

Inside, it was toasty, and smelled seductively of coffee like any self-respecting coffee establishment. Music played quietly from the speakers attached at each corner of the ceiling, playing radio songs from their younger days. Besides them, there were only two other patrons, sitting in opposite ends of the shop. 

They whistled out in relief, glanced at each other and tried not to laugh at their stupid luck. First the car, now the rain… 

Gladio found a table in the middle that afforded him a good view of the sealed windows so he could see if the rain had stopped. “You know whatʼs good in here?” he asked Ignis, letting his jacket dry on the empty seat beside him. 

“I rather enjoyed their regular brew the last time I was here, though I think they recommend their lattes.” Ignis was still standing by the seat across him while he considered the menu. It was attached just above the long counter that fitted the till, the working station and the pick-up area. “I havenʼt been back in a while, though. Shall I take care of your order?”

Gladio handed him a folded note. This was supposed to be his treat, after all. 

Ignis saluted him with it and made his way to the cashier where a cheerful young woman hurried to greet him. In the meantime, he entertained himself with the list of questions in his phone, reading it more slowly now. He was down to his last question, his last hurrah before this fake date officially came to an end. His sister sent him a message just then—a picture of her sitting in the back of a car, next to his stuff which heʼd taken from his car before it was towed off. She was on her way home with their father. 

“Seems weʼve not quite run out of luck, after all,” Ignis said when he returned. Gladio handed him the phone on cue. “Theyʼre doing an after hours promo—buy two lattes of the same size, get a slice of cake of your choice for free. I ordered cafe mocha for the both of us and their Vanilla Cream cake.”

“For us to share?”

Ignis nodded. “I suppose this somehow turned out to be a real date, didnʼt it?”

“I…if thatʼs what you say.” Gladio laughed, feeling embarrassed by Ignisʼ forthrightness. “I mean…I did get to know a lot about you tonight.”

“And I, as well, with you.” A fact that seemed to make Ignis happy, if that look on his face was anything to go by. It was nice to know he wasnʼt the only one enjoying himself here. “Well, time for my last question.”

“Better make it count.” Gladio rubbed his hands. Outside, the storm was unrelenting. 

Ignis browsed silently through the list, then wore a smile when he found his question. “Favorite romantic comedy.”

“Oh, I have one.” Gladio bounced in his seat. “I saw it in the cinema with my parents when I was little. You remember _Sleepless in Altissia_?”

“Ah, indeed,” Ignis chuckled, nodding deeply in complete understanding. “A true classic.”

“They donʼt make movies like those anymore,” Gladio added. “But I remember when I was a kid, I liked the part where the kid went to Altissia on his own. It made me believe that I could do that, yʼknow?” He laughed with Ignis. “But yeah, thatʼs a solid classic. These days, everythingʼs all about scandals or high school romance.”

“People are looking for different things these days,” Ignis remarked. “As for us…well, I suppose weʼre looking for different things from them, too.” Us… “Anyhow,” he cleared his throat, “for myself…” Ignis pondered the question briefly, gazing at the plain wooden table between them. “This may come off as a surprise but…are you aware of the show on Mogflix called _Crash Landed from a Zu_?”

“The one where the leading lady landed in Niflheim after a Zu picked her up?” Gladio spilled out in a single breath and laughed when Ignis nodded. “Yeah! Yeah, Iris loves it, she has a crush on that woman. I watch it with her when I can.”

“I quite like it,” Ignis confessed, somehow managing to look bashful and delighted at the same time. “I enjoy the lightness of the plot despite the maturity of the theme and the leading actors. Itʼs rather relaxing.”

“Iris loves the couple.” When Gladio shared that, it was mostly so he could tell Ignis that he was…agreeing vicariously by way of his sister. Just so he could add another similarity between the two of them. Ha! How sad. “Sometimes Iʼd catch her replaying the scenes again and again while weʼre waiting for another show to come on.”

“What sort of things do you both watch?”

“Uh…lots of reality shows,” Gladio shared, flexing his shoulders back as he got comfortable in his seat. “ _Lucian Ultimate Hunter_ , _Wizʼs Amazing Chocobo Race_ , _Secret Lives of Hunters_ , _Royal Chef_ …hey, donʼt _you_ watch that?”

“ _Royal Chef_?” Whatever it was Gladio said, it made him laugh…or more to the point, he thought it made him giggle. Ignis fixed his glasses, turned to the sound of his name from the side and raised his hand to guide the young waiter to his position. “I suppose it stands to reason that I do. I used to study under the tutelage of Chef Ter, after all.” 

“No way, the pastry chef?” Gladio had to be mindful of his volume despite his surprise. Couldnʼt wait for the server to lay down their orders to voice it, though. Ignis looked delighted when he picked up a spoon to stir his coffee drink. “Is she as good as they say?”

Ignis nodded, pausing to sip from his mug. “I learned some tricks of the trade thanks to her. And because of that…the year I enrolled into her masterclass, I was emboldened to try out for the show itself.”

Gladio forgot all about tasting his cafe mocha thanks to that reveal. He must have looked stupid with the way he just stared and gaped at Ignis because the man snorted into his drink, putting it down before he dropped it in his amusement. “Oh cʼmon, seriously? Youʼre just telling me this now?” There he was again with his voice and his rising emotions. But this was really so amazing to hear! Like everything else heʼd been hearing from the guy! “Well, what happened?” He returned his own coffee to its little fancy plate so he could pour his whole attention to his friend sitting up straighter, a smug look on his face while he traced the handle of his drink with his thumb. 

“I submitted my application and they invited me for a private audition in Chef Terʼs restaurant,” Ignis began to share. “I made a classic pan-fried griffon breast with a sweet soy dip, creamy potatoes and fresh salad on the side. The judges were impressed, of course.” He obviously had no problem boasting that bit, and Gladio didnʼt expect any less from him. “But the trouble lied in the fact that I was employed by the royal family. If I won the competition, it could call their judgment into question and they could be accused of showing favor to the king and the prince. If I lost, it could send out a message that they were doubting the kingʼs choices.”

“Oooh.” Gladio nodded. “Damned if you do, damned if you donʼt eh?” He certainly never saw it that way. Well, there went his dreams of joining _Lucian Ultimate Hunter_. 

“The public opinion has always been a sensitive topic,” Ignis chuckled. “But, I went home happy that day,” he continued, passing the phone back to Gladio. “Knowing that I was already considered one of the best chefs in the Crown City.”

“‘course you are,” Gladio agreed all too readily. Ignis would always be the Royal Chef Champion in his heart. 

“Anyhow, itʼs your turn. Last question.” No need for Ignis to remind him. 

Heʼd already found one earlier but just had to make sure he read the question right. “Do you regift gifts?” When he looked up to Ignis, his friend was gaping at him as if heʼd left the stove on before they left for their date. “Oooh, this is gonna be interesting.”

“Look, I—” Ignis broke off, then, to laugh out loud, in the same chorus as Gladioʼs hearty cheer. Unless his eyes were fooling him, Gladio thought Ignis was turning red to the scalp line. Which only meant one thing:

“You do!!” So the great Ignis Scientia wasnʼt flawless. 

“I have neither confirmed nor denied that yet!”

“Okay, okay, weʼll do it at the same time.” Gladio was still cackling happily. He shifted on his seat to pull himself a little closer to Ignis who looked like he was ready to laugh again despite his square posture. “On the count of three, weʼll both say our answers, okay?”

“Very well.” Ignis nodded, trying to school his face into something more serious. 

“Ready?” Gladio primed him. “In 3…2…1: y—”

“—es,” Ignis answered with him. Their crimes exposed, they devolved in another peal of laughter. 

“Well, it would be quite a waste not to reuse it,” Ignis began to defend their choices. 

“Yeah, ‘xactly, and if itʼs something your friend could really use, right?” Gladio agreed. 

“My thoughts exactly,” Ignis echoed him. 

The silence that came after between them felt…deeper and stranger than Gladio had expected, heightened only by the steady rush of rain, just a little softer than the chill radio music. Theyʼd practically spent the whole night talking—about themselves and each other…and now that they werenʼt… 

Gladio cleared his throat, distracting himself with the milky surface of his coffee while Ignis pulled the fork on the untouched slice of cake so that it pointed perfectly straight from his angle. They ought to think of something else to talk about but the only topic he could think of was Ignis himself. He just…he just wanted to hear his voice, his laughter, watch him smile and stuff. Listen to him talk about literally anything he wanted to tell him. 

“Hey, you know what?” Gladio handed him his phone which Ignis received with a chuckle. “Wonʼt hurt to keep going, itʼs still raining out.”

“And we havenʼt touched our cake yet,” Ignis added. Phone in hand, he looked over the list again… 

“What was the cringiest thing you did for love?” he asked Gladio. 

The fact that he knew what to answer immediately, though, was enough to make Gladio laugh at his own expense. He caught himself too late and had to press a fist on his nose and lips while he swallowed down the rest of it with difficulty. Across him, Ignis was already shaking in amusement.

“Bet you canʼt beat this.” Gladio cleared his throat, leaning his elbows to the table while Ignis sat back with his arms over his chest, waiting to be impressed. “Back in high school, I danced in a mascot so I could propose to this guy I was courting with our couple rings.” Ignisʼ reaction was just as he expected—loud, bold laughter that couldnʼt be contained by a hand on his mouth. “I was 16, then. It was the height of flash mobs.”

“How come I donʼt remember this!”

“I donʼt think we were already close, then.” Gladio grinned when Ignis couldnʼt stop yet. “Thereʼs probably still a video of it somewhere.”

“Oh no.” Ignis shook his head and waved his hand. “Itʼs quite all right, Iʼm not interested to see it.”

“You donʼt wanna see me shake my tush?” A concept which made both of them laugh again. “Way to hurt a guyʼs feelings, Ignis! Just ‘cause you canʼt top that…” He snorted from his glee. 

Ignis smiled brightly at him. “No, I donʼt think I can,” he admitted. “Mine is fairly simple: one time, I called my boyfriendʼs favorite radio station to request a song I dedicated to him.”

“No shit?” It wasnʼt as bold as his but for a private man like Ignis, Gladio couldnʼt imagine how much courage it must have taken him just to pick up the phone. If he had been that boyfriend, he might have already melted like caramel. “You donʼt even listen to music much, yeah?” Ignis nodded. “What song was it? Dʼyou still remember?”

Gladio doubted he would have forgotten. Not only was it a memorable experience, he knew how brilliant Ignisʼ memory was. 

But instead of answering, he only dipped his smile to his mug to hide it. 

So that all he could hear was the quiet hush of rain outside, and the love song playing through the speakers.


	4. The After-party

Once the rain had lightened up to a drizzle, Gladio asked to borrow an umbrella from the cafe so he could finally walk Ignis the rest of the way home. From the coffeeshop, his apartment was only five minutes away. 

They stepped out of the lift, into the empty corridor leading to his unit. “Let me take care of this,” Ignis told him as he patted the handsome burgundy jacket Gladio had worn over his shoulders, the same one they used as a makeshift shelter while they made a run for it. “Iʼll give it back to you next week, after I have it washed.”

“ʼppreciate it,” Gladio thanked him. He should have insisted that there was no need for him to bother with it, of course, but with Ignis, sometimes it was better to just save his breath than make an argument that would only go around in circles. Besides… 

“Well, here we are,” Gladio said, as soon as theyʼd come up to his unit. The entire corridor was wrapped in the silence of the late hour, which made the echoes of their footfalls louder in his ears. As if they were the only people allowed to exist in that space. 

Ignis breathed out a little sigh of relief at the sight of his door number. “I donʼt think that was just 30 minutes.”

“Definitely took more than that,” Gladio agreed, laughing quietly with him. 

“But,” Ignis looked him in his eyes when he spoke again, “I had fun. This was a wonderful night, Gladio.”

“All things considered?”

Ignis nodded. “It wasnʼt all bad…no, in fact none of it was bad.” Which caused him to smile. “Your company had made certain of that.” _His company._ If Gladio hadnʼt caught himself, he might have floated away to the stars when his heart swelled and seemed to lift him off his feet. Which was too much to say for a fake date but…but honestly, did it all still even matter? Ignis had said so himself, this turned out to be a real date, after all. So what if… 

So what if he could really make…it all real? All of it? 

“Um…h, hey, Ignis?” His voice cracked a little at the part where he said his name. Gladio had to cough slightly to clear his throat, even when he slid his foot a little closer to his friend, and Ignis responded with his own step back, putting himself to the wall. “So…about my last question.” He never got to ask it in the cafe…because Ignis never got to answer the last. 

“Yes?” But when Ignis prompted him, Gladio swore he could hear the anticipation in his voice, see it even in the sparkle of his eyes when Gladio braced his right fist on the space just next to his ear. 

He took one last moment to steel his heart, before he spilled out his thoughts in a single breath: “When was your last kiss?” He couldnʼt remember seeing that in the questionnaire. 

But at this point, no one was really keeping tabs, anymore. “I…I donʼt remember,” Ignis mumbled, those green eyes, the color of dewed leaves, searching him as if for his answer. “A couple of months back, perhaps. You…?” The moment of truth. 

He allowed himself a little smile. “Now.” Before he leaned his face into Ignisʼ and pressed their lips together. 

To answer his own curiosity from earlier, yes—his lips were as soft as they looked, and they moved so tenderly as Ignis craned his head closer to Gladio to feel him deeper. A whiff of his perfume lingered, the fragrance of mint and flowers pervading the other layers. Ignis parted his lips briefly only so he could take another breath before he closed them into Gladioʼs again. He tasted of coffee, and everything sweet and delicious. 

That was how he was going to remember this night, he thought. The flavors of his kiss…dancing with the smell of his perfume and pomade and the sound of his laughter, the green of his eyes and the arch of his smile. 

They shared one between the two of them when they pulled away. The rush of his beating heart felt like it was worlds away from him when everything felt so soft to Gladio—even himself. 

Ignis was the one who broke the stillness of the moment between them, because otherwise, Gladio wouldnʼt have the heart to do it. “Well,” he said with a quiet note, “goodnight, Gladio.”

Gladio nodded. “Goodnight, Ignis.”

They flashed each other one last smile just as he stepped back and Ignis pulled his wallet from the back of his pants and tapped it on the door knob. The lock clicked and whirred open. 

Ignis stepped through, and with a final wave, disappeared behind his door. 

That was the only time Gladio allowed himself to pump his fist and smash the air with a strangled hissing, “ _Yes!_ ” He didnʼt come out that night hoping that this was just a Round 1 to his Round 2 but he would go home that night feeling like a winner. 

He whirled around, back to the elevator from whence he came, swinging his left fist to smack his right palm but missing it on purpose. Wouldnʼt want anyone to catch him celebrating, least of all Ignis. That would be embarrassing. 

“Yes!” he snarled again, punching sideways, rolling his shoulders and shaking his fingers as he waited for the doors to open. So maybe he _did_ still have a crush on Ignis, maybe he _did_ still like him. Everything had just been covered up under the layers of friendship, their jobs, and their relationship history. 

He didnʼt start laughing until heʼd walked out of the building with a pep in his steps, swinging the damp umbrella in its long plastic like a cartoon cane. If anyone in the neighborhood wondered about the asshole whooping and jumping in the middle of the wet road at that time of the night, that would be Gladiolus Amicitia.

—

Up in his apartment, oblivious to the racket Gladio was causing in public, Ignis was humming to a song that had been stuck in his head since they left the coffee shop. He inspected the door to be doubly sure that it was locked, slipped off his shoes and padded into his apartment in his socks. He tugged a little on his bowtie to let it unravel so he could finally loosen his collar by two buttons. That took the entirety of the chorus, and because he didnʼt know the song even from his youth, he didnʼt remember what came after that.

So he did what any sensible man would do and just looped back to the start of the chorus as he shrugged off the jacket hanging over his shoulders, because anyway the point of a song was in the chorus, right? At least that was what he knew. 

And that was certainly what he felt with this melody he was singing to himself. Ignis read the label, ran his thumb along the stitch in the fabric and felt the lining in his fingers. This was likely bespoke, he reckoned. He couldnʼt track any excess thread or cloth, and the cut on Gladioʼs wrist and torso was…well, it was quite handsome. 

It made him smile. Gladio was a man who probably spent the majority of his days without the burden of sleeves (or shirts—it was always one or the other with him), so there was something funny about the image of him getting fitted in such formal suits which left his arms no escape. But gods, was he comely in them, even with his inherent wildness tamed. 

If anything, it only gave him an opportunity to appreciate the other things about the man that were otherwise shrouded by his tattoo, or the size of his biceps and pecs. Like his magnetism, the warmth of his presence, his smile. His amber eyes which reminded him of caramel nougats, how they glint so easily like gems under the light. 

The depth of his voice, how it rumbled no matter if he was laughing loudly or whispering softly. His uncomplicated personality, so different from his own. Where he always thought of everything, Gladio had a way of just feeling his way through life. He wished he could have that confidence, that ease of being. 

Ignis couldnʼt think of any other reason why Gladio would kiss him outside his apartment, except that he just decided to seize the moment when it was there. If that had been him, he would have hesitated and erred on the side of caution. Then he wouldnʼt have known how kissing this handsome specimen would have felt like: soft, and overwhelming all at once but not so much that his senses had become overloaded. It was sweet and brave… 

Gods, Gladio was so many contrasting things all at once! How could anyone in their right mind even resist him? Ignis had always prided himself with his intellect and acumen so he knew he wasnʼt stupid enough to think he was immune to Amicitia. 

And for that, he rewarded himself with the memory of his scent, pressing his nose to the back of the jacketʼs collar for a faceful. Musk, smoky wood, cinnamon and ginger, just the subtle hint of roses…something akin to rosemary that seemed otherwise out of place in the bouquet and could only be from his styling cream. What a waste for it all to be washed off…and yet that was the bargain he promised so they could have something to talk about that wasnʼt work. 

“ _And I canʼt get you out of my dreams,_ ” he hummed to the radio song in his head. What was the title of that song? He better go and look for it online. Alternatively, he could just ask the baristas for their playlist… 

But that would have to wait—his phone was vibrating for his attention, because it would otherwise not be his phone if it didnʼt do that at such a late hour. At any other night, he might have afforded himself the luxury of a sigh before he answered the call and assumed, what his friends liked to call, his customer service voice. 

Tonight was a special night, though. And there was nothing that could have kept the smile from his face and his voice when he finally answered the call. “Yes, Noct?”

“ _Hey, Ignis, still out with Gladio?_ ”

“No, I just got home.” Ignis gave the jacket one last whiff before he moved to his couch and let it hang over the top. “Why do you ask?”

“ _Huh?_ ” The disbelief was sharp in his voice, as if Noctis was in the same room as him. “ _Really? Iris called me and said Gladioʼs car got hit in the parking lot and you needed a ride home. I only saw her call too late since I was reading the bill draft._ ” Oh, was he now? Heʼll be the judge of that. 

“Well, itʼs good you didnʼt worry about us so you could focus on your task,” Ignis replied, bracing his elbow on the wrist of his arm wrapped over his tummy. He sat a little on the side of his couch. “And itʼs good we didnʼt wait for you, otherwise weʼll only be on the way home now.”

“ _Well, what did you do? Did you just walk?_ ”

“Yes.”

“ _Seriously?!_ ”

“My apartment is only 30 minutes away on foot from the hotel,” Ignis explained with practiced disaffection. “Itʼs nothing difficult so long as you pace yourself.”

“ _Okay…_ ” Noctis sounded dubious because of course he would. “ _So…was it fun? Did you guys do anything else aside from the party? I mean, you were together for a pretty long time…_ ”

“We talked quite a lot if thatʼs what youʼre asking,” Ignis answered. 

“ _And?_ ”

“He paid me a part of my fee in the corner coffee shop.”

“ _And?_ ”

And then Gladio took him home and they kissed. Ignis could play it all in his head—the glowing embers of his eyes, that playful little smirk on his face before their lips touched. 

Ignis brushed his with the back of his finger, smiling at the memory.

—

“ _Thatʼs between the two of us._ ”

That was exactly the kind of non-answer Noctis expected from Ignis. And given how long theyʼd both been friends with each other, he knew exactly what Ignis was trying not to tell him: something else happened between him and his Shield. 

He swung his fist downward with its empty popsicle stick then smacked it wildly against Promptoʼs hand. “ _Come now, Noct, itʼs late and Iʼve had a long day,_ ” Ignis went on. That was an alibi if Noctis had heard of any. “ _Will there be anything else?_ ”

“Ah, no, I just wanted to check in on you,” Noctis replied, shooting his best friend a warning look when Prompto covered up his laughter, his own popsicle stick between his lips, even though he was making out no noise. “Iʼll let you get some rest, then. See ya.” They hung up. 

Like a gagged man released from freedom, Prompto celebrated the end of the call with fists and stick pumped high and a long, “ _Yeeees!!!_ We did it!!”

“Told you it could work.” Noctis looked smugly at his giddy companion when he held out his hand for Prompto to smack, catching his fist in an easy grip at the end of the handshake. “Gotta say, itʼs almost too easy.”

“Right?!” Prompto raised himself from the carpet to sit down on his calves. “I mean, was that accident lucky or what?! No one got hurt _plus_ they got to spend more time together!”

“Itʼs like the Astrals themselves were in on our plan, too,” Noctis cackled. His phone started to ring, then. After a quick glance at the screen, he swiped at the slider and greeted his caller. “Hey, Iris.”

“ _Noct, I just got off the phone with Gladdy! He says heʼs almost home. I donʼt know if itʼs just me but I think heʼs in a really good mood!_ ”

“Yeah? Sounds great, huh,” Noctis said. “Hang on, Promptoʼs here. Iʼll put you on speaker.” He laid the phone between him and his best friend and tapped the megaphone icon alight. 

“ _—toʼs there with you?_ ”

“Iris,” Prompto sang her name, waving at her photo on the screen. 

“ _Prompto, hello,_ ” Iris sang back. “ _Ahhh, I wish I could hang out with you guys!_ ”

“Well, thanks to you, we got a good picture of Gladio and Ignis looking close in the party.” Noctis snickered with his friend, crossing forearms with him.

“ _Where are you both right now?_ ”

“In my apartment. Promptoʼs staying the night.” Noctis flashed him a grin. “For what he likes to call…”

Prompto straightened up and cleared his throat: “Prompto Special Operation: Parent Trap!”

Iris trilled with a happy giggle on the other line. “ _I couldnʼt have come up with a better name myself!_ ” Prompto let out a proud giggle of his own. 

“So Iris, did Gladio say anything else?” Noctis asked. 

“ _Just that heʼs almost home and he asked me if I was already here. Heʼs in a taxi._ ”

“Huh, he took the taxi?” Prompto and Noctis whipped to each other. “So they _could_ have taken the taxi. But instead…”

Noctis smirked. “Guess thereʼs more to talk about when you walk.”

“Oh,” Prompto shifted closer to the phone, “did he say anything about the meme you tagged him in?”

“ _Not yet. I asked him if he just walked Iggy home but he said talk later…ahhh, I think heʼs here! Donʼt hang up…_ ” They heard the slap of her slippers on the floor, a brief pause… 

The rush of her footsteps slapping back to the phone before she screeched, “ _HEʼS HERE, heʼs here! Donʼt hang up, Iʼll drag him in here._ ”

“Uh, okay.” Not like Noctis could say much of anything else. He tapped on the mic icon to mute their side. 

“Man, weʼre really lucky Iris agreed to help us out, huh?” Prompto mused, pursing his lips in thought. 

To which Noctis pointed with his finger as he asked, “And whose idea was it?”

Prompto returned the gesture to him. “It was Noctʼs idea,” he sang back cheerfully. Though being honest, that was a bit of an accident. Iris hadnʼt joined the effort until the day of the party itself when Prompto, on behalf of Noctis, had asked for pictures from her camera, citing market research or some other bullshit like that. That was when Iris revealed that sheʼd been looking forward to this date since the last weekend and Prompto revealed their plan. 

“By the way, you sure you shouldnʼt be reading up on that draft or something?” he asked Noctis suddenly. 

“Eh, itʼs fine.” Noctis waved his concern off the air. “I took a look at it earlier. Iʼm good.” Which was to say he scrolled the document up and down on his email, picked up three points then ditched it for video games with Prompto. 

Urgent footfalls faded in through the phone, thundering the closer they came. “ _Come. On! You must be tired from all that walking, right?_ ” It was Iris. “ _Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit! Then tell me everything._ ”

“ _Everything? There ainʼt much to say!_ ” And that was Gladio, all right. That was definitely his laughter. “ _Ooh, is that bottle mine?_ ”

A brief pause wherein Noctis imagined beer being administered to Shield. Prompto may have bounced on his ankles a little. 

“ _Ahhh, now thatʼs the stuff._ ”

“ _So?!_ ” Iris nagged persistently. 

“ _So what? Like I said, we just talked a lot._ ”

“ _Abouuut?_ ”

“ _Oh, you know, this and that. Family, friends, loved ones, exes…likes and dislikes._ ”

Iris gasped sharply. “ _So like, a real date! Like a real, real, really real date date!!_ ”

“ _Hey, you asked me to try to get to know ‘im so thatʼs what I did._ ” Iris started to squeal at that. Noctis held out his hand to catch Promptoʼs high five. “ _Hey, Iris, pipe down, youʼll wake up the whole house!_ ”

“ _So, how is he?! Did you get to find out a lot of things about him?_ ”

“ _Yeah, I did…_ ” Gladio answered. “ _But I ainʼt telling you anything._ ” Noctis and Prompto whipped at each other again. 

“ _Gla-ddy!!_ ”

“ _Iris, shouldnʼt you be in bed by now?_ ”

“ _Donʼt change the subject! What else did you guys do?_ ” Gladio started to laugh at her persistence.

“ _Ah, just had some ice cream and some coffee,_ ” Gladio answered. “ _Cafe mocha and this Vanilla Cream cake._ ”

“ _And then?_ ”

“ _And then? I walked him home._ ”

“ _So you didnʼt…ask him anything or do anything with him?_ ” Iris was trying to be as obvious with her questions as vagueness and naivete allowed her. 

Though for what it was worth, Gladio did get laughing. “ _Funny you should ask that. But…_ ” Interrupted once more by silence. “ _Letʼs just keep that between Ignis and I._ ”

This time, Noctis and Prompto smacked their hands sharply with each other and let out triumphant cries just as Irisʼ scream blared through the phone. 

“ _You kissed,_ ” she declaimed. “ _You actually kissed him!!_ ”

“ _Hey, Iris, stop jumping on your bed, the springs will break!_ ”

“ _Youʼre changing the subject! You touched your chin!_ ”

“ _I didnʼt!_ ”

“ _You kissed him, you kissed him!!_ ”

“ _Okay, you know what? Itʼs been a long day and if thatʼs all weʼre gonna talk about, Iʼm just gonna go to my room. Iʼll see you tomorrow._ ”

“ _No, wait, Gladdy! Gladdy!!_ ”

The rest of the call became nothing but a long string of shrieks and giggles like if someone were tickling her ceaselessly, which Gladio was in every position to do. Noctis decided to end the call there while Prompto sent a message to explain what they did. 

After that, they belted out another peal of victory and smashed their fists together. 

“This turned out really well, didnʼt it?!” Prompto laughed, shifting excitedly on the floor. 

“Couldn’t have gone better if Ignis himself had planned it,” Noctis agreed, beaming brightly. “Guess we really lucked out on this party.”

“And that they never knew we rigged the dating game!”

“Now we just gotta make sure they stay together for a month. And then…”

Prompto pulled his fists down to his chest, singing to the clean ceiling, “InsomniaGamesCon, here we come!!” Otherwise known as the biggest entertainment convention in the Crown City of Insomnia—and neither of them had been to it. Which was the driving force of this whole mission that bore a problem statement that went: _if only those two were too busy dating, they could let us go._

“You said it!” Noctis cackled. “Between dating each other and thanking us for fixing them up, theyʼll never be able to tell us no! ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. the song ignis is humming is d'sound's _tattooed on my mind_ bc lol
> 
> 2\. i feel like this is set in an au where insomnia never gets attacked and the only reason why ardyn is being ostracized is bc he focuses his work on charities and activism (the kings of yore ala mulan's ancestors: ok he can have nice things but why does he have to be a _s s s sOciaLIsTttt_????)
> 
> 3\. also i don't remember why i wrote this anymore but anyway HERE IT IS bye gys


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